My Beautiful World.

Doesn't make sense.

2011-07-14T05:23:00.002+08:00

Since exams ended until today, I have done some traveling/road trip...

And now I have to focus on my dissertation, which is due in about one month's time.

And another one more month, will be the time I say goodbye to London.

A close friend of mine left London last week,

and my question was..any regrets? Yes.

Well, I guess, it's inevitable that we humans will have regrets, no matter how much we try to be perfect.

Imperfection, to me, is how God wants us to be.

So we can always learn from our mistakes.

Until now, I have some regrets, mainly in relation to my exams.

I know that I could have done better.

I know that I could have memorised better.

And now, my last opportunity to push my grade is my dissertation.

I'm currently working on my final chapter, hope it will be good.

...

Last night, I had a terrible headache.

And feel nausea.

It's like a tsunami in my tummy.

At that point of time...

The first person that came into my mind, mummy.

I can remember the times when I had terrible headache,

I will just go knock onto her door,

asked her to rub some tiger balm onto my forehead.

I miss my mummy... :/

...

Was having a jog in the evening,

I thought that I'm feeling better.

But after about 1km of jog,

I start to feel nausea again.

Stopped jogging. Slowly make my way back to my flat.

Then...at that point, I feel even more lonely.

Knowing that there is no one I can call.

...

This blog post doesn't make sense.

Everything is scattered around and doesn't link to each other.

Similar to my dissertation.

...

Shit.

One more to go!

2011-05-18T19:54:00.002+08:00

I'm done with my first two papers - Cyberspace and Media Law.

Now left my final one on the 31st May.

Just in 2 weeks time! Can't wait for my exams to come to an end!

And hols to look forward too!

Yea, I know I have a 15,000 words dissertation due in August, and I haven't start a shit yet.

I'll remind myself about that later.

Exams...were not too bad.

But not too good either.

Sigh. I don't know.

I just have mixed feelings with the answers I attempted.

Maybe it's the lack of confidence?

I'm not sure.

I can only hope for the best.

Tiny pieces.

2011-05-05T07:23:00.001+08:00

I wonder why you can't hear it.

The sound of my breaking heart.

Shattered into millions of pieces.

Yet you can't hear it.

When you are the cause of it.

2011-05-05T06:20:00.002+08:00

My final exam will start in one week's time.

But somehow, I don't know..

I don't feel as much tension nor stress as I used to feel.

I can still remember when I was sitting for my final year LLB

and CLP... I start to "countdown" for my first paper one month ahead.

Sigh. It's not that I'm very confident with my exams now.

Just, don't feel much stress.

All I know is that I have to keep on going.

Just keep on memorising as much as I can.

And I keep telling myself, if I'm able to memorise all the stuff needed for CLP,

I suppose this shouldn't be a problem too.

Sigh.

Unsent Love Letter.

2011-04-28T08:10:00.003+08:00

My dear,

It has already been 6 months.

6 months since we first met.

I'm surprise that we can maintain this for 6 months.

Was it because it was made clear from the very beginning that we will not have any expectations towards each other?

And just let everything happens naturally?

I guess it's possible.

I'm blessed to have met you here.

Living alone in a foreign place seems more bearable and less lonely.

Although there were times when I feel that there is more bitter moments than happy ones,

the mere fact that you took an effort out of your busy schedule is enough for me.

Your sweet little gestures made my heart flutters, and that is more than enough for me.

Although I know that once I leave this place,

the possibility to continuing this is very slim.

But, somehow...Even when time goes by,

I know that you, will always have a place inside me.

Thank you for being who you are.

My darling sis.

2011-04-20T06:42:00.002+08:00

Few weeks ago, my darling sister came to visit me. I'm so glad to see her again! It's the longest time that I'm apart from her. More than 6 months! Yea, I know it's not that long...But, we've never been apart for that long before!

Enjoying ice-cream in Barcelona.

Paris.

Sisters in maxi dress!

In Cambridge.

I love u jie!

all about travelling!

2011-03-27T08:30:00.004+08:00

i realised that my blog has been pretty dull lately. it's all textual.. and since i'm so sick and bored of studying, i decided to spend some times uploading some pictures, mostly of those captured when i'm travelling around.

one thing i tried to do, is to travel as much as possible (within budget too!) whilst i'm in the UK. i know that once i'm done here, i won't be coming back anytime soon. (:

in Brussels - Manneken Pis. March 2011.

Brussels - Grand Palace

Brugges - Markt.

in Venice. Dec 2010.

in Florence with Dilyara.

Rome !

Portsmouth .

Greenwich.

somewhere in York.

Hampton Court Palace [King Henry VII's residence]

relaxing in Cambridge.

Bath.

Beautiful scenery in Bath.

i'm looking forward to easter break! my darling sister will be coming to visit me. and we will be travelling more!!!

6 months.

2011-03-20T21:10:00.002+08:00

Gosh, it has been ages since i last blogged.

initially, i thought i would blog more often when i'm here.

somehow, i didn't.

it's not that i lack the time, i have lots of time actually.

just that i seem to lack the motivation to blog.

sometimes, i open the web, stare at the screen.

just lost of words.

6 months. i'm here for 6 months!

just in another 6 more months, and i'll be done and go back to my beloved home.

i know, i missed my lovely home.

but i have to say,

i like the new freedom i have,

to do whatever i want at whatever time.

but maybe because of this, i became less disciplined.

especially in my studies.

i spent lesser time with my books,articles and notes.

instead, i stay in the room watching anime or just doing nothing.

sigh.

this is horrible, especially exam is just around the corner.

i'm such a lazy pig.

alright.

enough of crap.

I Remember.

2010-12-27T04:42:00.000+08:00

Oh...
Remember...
Oh, I remember...
I wanna know...

Where were you when I said I loved you?
And where were you when I cried at night?
Waiting up, couldn't sleep without you.
Thinking of all the times we shared.

[Chorus:]
I remember when my heart broke.
I remember when I gave up loving you.
My heart couldn't take no more of you.
I was sad and lonely.
I remember when I walked out.
I remember when I screamed I hated you.
But somehow deep inside still loving you.
Sad and lonely.

No one knew all the pain I went through.
All the love I saved deep in my heart for you.
Didn't know where I would go, where I would be.
But you made me leave.
And plus my heart it just, it just kept telling me so.

[Chorus]

[Bridge:]
There was nowhere else to go, oh.
Nobody else to turn to, no.
For the rest of my life, I promised myself I will love me first genuinely.

[Chorus]

I remember when I walked out.
I remember when I gave up loving you.
My heart couldn't take no more of you.
So sad and lonely, hey.
I remember when I stormed out.
I remember when I gave up loving you.
I was sad and lonely.

:(

2010-12-26T01:44:00.003+08:00

it has been more than a week now.

since i last see him.

there are many times i feel that i'm thinking of him more than he thinks of me.

and that i missed him 10 times more than the other way round.

sigh.

anyone reading this would have the obvious answer...

that maybe he doesn't like u that much.

i know.

i always know that there is that possibility.

then why am i continuing this?

i hate being in this position.

yet loving the moments when we are together.

i know, i'm contradicting myself.

sigh.

Live Life

2010-12-01T05:35:00.002+08:00

i'm sure that every one of u have heard of the phrase: live life.

to me, what it really means that u have to enjoy the moment of life that u're currently at.

don't think or worry what the future turns out.

i think that's the best way to really live life.

there's a huge possibility that i may be hurt at the end.

but then, at the end of the day, i'm sure i'll be alright.

so...for now, i just want to live life.

enjoy the moment.

i'll leave the future for the future me to worry.

2010-11-18T22:10:00.003+08:00

u said u want me.

and i know i want u.

yet u ask me not to fall for u.

so what do u want from me?

How Long More?

2010-11-15T03:13:00.001+08:00

for the past few weeks, i had been asking myself.

over and over again.

is this the position i want to be in?

do i really want to be like this?

how long can i withstand this?

i guess only time can tell me.

Holding On.

2010-11-14T06:42:00.003+08:00

it has been quite some time since i last blog.

lately, i don't feel like myself.

i don't know why.

why am i holding onto something that i know will never work out?

it's like trying desperately to grab the air.

something that u can never get hold of.

am i that desperate until i'm being someone that i'm not?

why is my emotions overtaking my rationality?

amongst my friends, i was said to be the rational one.

yet, being apart from them...i ended up being irrational.

sigh.

so close.

2010-10-15T06:46:00.002+08:00

every Thursday, i'll have class in Lincoln's Inn at 4pm and the nearest tube station is Holborn.

and today, i drag my arse off from my warm and cosy room and make my way to the tube station to head to class.

coincidentally, my flatmate,Nok is heading there too, so we went there together and chatting happily.

class ended at 6pm, and i decided to head to Waterstone bookshop to purchase a textbook and a statute book.

then about 645pm, i walked back to Holborn station.

everything seem fine and nothing seems out of place.

i reached home, and going to the kitchen to cook some dinner and bumped into Nok.

and she asked me whether i see anything happened near Holborn station.

she told me that she saw many people were running away, and was ushered away by the policemen.

there were many police and ambulance there too.

but, i was completely unaware of such things.

i thought maybe there was some strike or riot.

until just now, my another flatmate, Wing...told me and Nok that bombs were found around Holborn station.

and she was stuck in another station for 1 hour plus because the tube service was delayed, but they weren't given any reason at that time.

i look at BBC News, and nothing was reported on this.

however, there were many other forums where the public said that the bomb was either inside or outside Metro Bank, which was located opposite of Holborn Station.

i don't even know how i was feeling.

this is like the 1st time in my life that i'm so close to almost-death-situation.

Nok was near the station about 530pm.

what would happen if i were to be late for class? or i didn't go to the bookshop?

the source of it, until now, remains unidentifiable.

is it terrorist attack?

i'm not sure.

it's impossible for us to avoid using the tube, as that is the only way we travel to class.

and the bus may not necessarily be the safest choice, since last year...7/7, a bus was bombed too.

sigh.

Settling down.

2010-10-14T19:38:00.002+08:00

finally, after being here for almost a month, i think i'm starting to settle down.

all the hatred i had for this place, starts to diminish away...

and, of course i manage to make some new friends.

i still can't say i love it here yet. but i won't know what will happen in a few months time.

Annabel and I in Buckingham Palace.

She's my best mate here.I'm glad to have her, as I know I can always count on her.

Ying, Nok & Annabel. Enjoying Korean cuisine!

in Portobello Market.

Zack-who lives in the same hall as me.

A very funny guy.

in Camden Town.

Yuji-a very reliable friend!

Guy - one of the most traditional guy I met!

classes have officially started as well. everyone had made their module selection. there are many readings to do, but so far...i'm quite enjoying it. and i'm quite comfortable into going back to English cases and English legal terms!

: D

2010-10-07T07:47:00.002+08:00

one thing i hate about results is the uncertainty of the exact date of release.

it was rumored to be released 3 weeks ago, then 2 weeks ago, and it usually falls on a monday.

so, just imagine, me now being in London, with 7hours difference...i can barely sleep on Sunday night. waiting for my daddy's call!

and finally, my results were released last monday.

well, the good news is...I PASSED!

the bad news is, well...it's not a good passing marks.

it's kind of weird to be in the bottom this time.

i mean, for the last 4 years, not that i want to show off...

but, somehow i manage to stay at least top 10.

and, when my daddy told me my results...

my 1st question was, "are u disappointed?"

i really don't want to disappoint my parents.

but, i think my parents understand the difficulty in passing the CLP.

since the percentage of students passing the exam on their 1st attempt is extremely low.

so, i can start chambering once i'm back in kl!

and, i feel very sad for my coursemates who didn't get through.

especially those that i know always work hard for their studies.

it just shows that our results doesn't reflect our effort.

sigh.

3rd Week.

2010-10-03T23:29:00.002+08:00

well, it's already my 3rd week here.

how am i feeling?

i guess, i'm feeling much better than the last 2 weeks.

starting to get used to climbing up the bloody stairs to reach my warm room.

used to my small cosy room.

getting smashed in the tube, especially in the morning.

and also the tremendous amount of walking i need to do.

oh ya, and the horrible rainy weather in London.

but it's still hard for me to fall asleep at most of the times, because it's quite noisy even though it's already 1-2am.

class had started about a week now,

and...i'm quite decided with my taught modules,

there's still some uncertainties with my audit course for dissertation.

i'm not sure whether i'm fit to do a dissertation on feminist legal theory,

nontheless...i'll take it as a whole new challenge and attempt it.

it's just 15,000 words....right?

there's no place like home.

2010-09-27T03:47:00.003+08:00

i can still remember, roughly about one month before i left for London, i went for a pre-departure talk organised by the British Council...and the speaker mentioned that there are 3 stages of so-called cultural shock one would experience when they study in a foreign place.

the 1st 3 months, everything would be wonderful and beautiful as they are experiencing something new.

the 2nd stage is where one would start 'hating' that place, comparing it with their home country and thinking that there is never a place like home.

and the final stage, is when they start to accept that particular place for what it is.

i'm only in london for a week...however, i already realised that there is definitely NO PLACE LIKE HOME!

it's not that i'm homesick or anything, just that... i can't really describe what i'm really feeling right now.

i think i'm friend-sick more than homesick.

sigh.

Thank you, for being there.

2010-09-14T02:39:00.005+08:00

in about 3 days time, i'll be leaving my home country.

i'll be going to London, to further my studies.

i've no idea how to describe the way i feel now.

i do feel excited about the prospect of a new challenge, new life...well, basically new everything.

no doubt that there will be anxiety as well.

to adapt to a totally new surroundings, people and culture.

not to mention that this would be my 1st time to be really on my own, without my family.

the idea of my parents not being just next door,

or my sister wouldn't be a phone call away...

really scares me sometimes.

although it's just one year...but many things can happen or change in a year's time.

not to mention that i wont be coming back for any break within that one year time.

i'm worried that the people whom i close to for so, so many years may change,

my several close friends especially.

or i myself may be different.

this i know is inevitable.

but the question is whether we can accept each others' changes.

all of this remains a puzzle to me.

for the whole of Aug and Sept,

many of my friends did take the effort to meet up with me.

to wish me best of luck and to say their goodbyes.

i really appreciate their efforts, especially those whom i can rarely see.

it touched me so much, to know that, somewhere in their heart, i am somewhat important.

i really cherish the past month a lot

and i'm sure that this would be an encouraging factor to me whilst i am alone there.

thank you, everyone!

Heart 'em!

2010-09-09T03:13:00.002+08:00

heart my baby girls.

Universal Studio,Singapore

280810

2010-09-06T02:38:00.003+08:00

FML!

i wish i am a guy.

2010-09-05T02:50:00.009+08:00

sometimes, i just wish i am a guy.

why?

because,i can just ask any hot and sexy girl out there for a date.

i know, that there's nothing wrong for a girl to ask a guy out.

but then again, how often that happens?

usually it's the so-called guy's role to do the asking.

PLUS, it hurts the girl's ego more if she's being rejected compared to a guy.

not only that, even if the girl did ask the guy out,

just imagine, the normal reaction one will get:

"harhh...the girl actually asked the guy out ar?"

"yerr...she so cheapskate?"

"huhhh.... so desperate?"

see how unfair is it being a girl?

2010-09-01T01:47:00.002+08:00

at this point of time, i'm sure many of my college mates would be either busy with doing attachments, working part time or started looking for firms they would want to chamber with.

and me?

i'm now busy packing and preparing myself to start a new and different lifestyle.

there are still times where i do hesitate about my decision.

as i would be at least one year behind my peers in terms of practical experience.

but this is the opportunity that i'll have to take and willing to risk and of course to stick to it, no matter what.

in about 2 weeks time, i'll be leaving my beloved home country.

i'll definitely miss home,family and friends.

but at the same time, i can't wait for a new challenge.

One more month.

2010-08-17T00:18:00.008+08:00

i havent been blogging for more than 2 weeks despite being on holiday now!

when i'm suppose to be even more free than during my exams period.

really, i blogged even more consistently when i'm suppose to be busy studying for exams.

anyways, as i mentioned before, August will be a super busy month for me.

it's filled with trips and spending quality time with my family and friends.

last 2 weeks i was in Bangkok with my college friends,

and spent my previous weekend in Penang with wendy and catherine.

this coming weekend, i'll be heading down south (Batu Pahat) to spend a few days with my grandparents.

i'm so going to miss them as i wont be seeing them next Chinese New Year.. ) :

to be completely honest, i'm feeling a bit reluctant.

reluctant to go off to a place totally foreign to me

and only have myself to accompany me,

to a place where my friends and family are thousand miles away.

yes, i know i sound very immature and childish here.

ppl may think that i'm an independent girl.

but deep down inside me, i don't think i can ever live alone.

i am excited about the prospect of going to London to study.

but the mere idea of my friends will no longer be 5-10mins drive from me...

or my daddy and mummy being just next door...

kind of freak me out.

i know that i should focus on the positive stuff

instead of feeding myself with those negative thoughts.

during our final night in Bangkok.

at Crystal Grill Restaurant (Baiyoke Sky Hotel)

in Penang. (:

just one more month from today...

Tidak Apa-lah.

2010-07-30T22:06:00.005+08:00

more often than not, we always find Malaysians themselves complaining about the "Malaysian attitude"; infamously--

our tardiness and our "tidak apa" attitude.

little did we realised that, the ones that complained actually had the same attitude as well.

it's ironic when one complained about the way Malaysians work, yet they themselves possesses the same attitude.

i have to admit that by majority, we have this "tidak apa" attitude.

it's like, if it's none of my business, then i'll just take my own sweet time to do it for u.

but somehow people always tend to complain and make it public.

but when it comes to praises or giving credit, it was seldom made public.

we only remember to tell when something bad happened, but when things were done efficiently for us, we would take it as "well, it's their job anyway" .

well, i find this amusing.

August!

2010-07-30T01:03:00.003+08:00

it has been a week since exam ended

yet it felt like i had been on holidays for weeks!

july is coming to an end already.

i know it sounds like a cliche,

but TIME REALLY FLIES!

and i'm very sure that my august will end in a blink of an eye.

to me,

the month of august would be all about saying my goodbyes.

farewells.

trips.

parties.

it's going to be a wonderful, blissful month.

no worries about studies nor exams.

i'm so going to LOVE my month of august!

Finally!

2010-07-26T00:58:00.003+08:00

Finalllly!

i'm done and over with my CLP exams!

whether i'll pass or fail...i'll just leave it to God.

if i have the choice, of course i would want to pass this exams.

honestly, i can't imagine re-doing all 5 papers all over again.

the mere thought of it, just freaks me out.

sigh.

but there is nothing i can do, but wait.

and leave everything to God.

i'm really looking forward for my LOOOOONG holidays!

i'm looking forward for my Bkk trip coming Aug with my college mates;

Singapore trip with my dear darlings babies -- Jan,Teng,Nie;

a few days with my grandparents in Batu Pahat;

partying as much as possible with my darling babies and friends;

and of course spending loads of time with my beloved family

for the next 2 months.

i am going to miss everyone!!!

It just slips off my mind...

2010-07-19T21:05:00.002+08:00

today, we had Professional Practice paper.

i'm quite sure that most of us would regard this as the killer paper.

reason being there are just so,so much to study and to memorise.

what makes it irksome is that it squeezes 5 subjects into one paper (i know i keep repeating this, but i just can't help myself!) and for 2 subjects, only one question each would come out.

so, imagine...the entire law on Bankruptcy/Winding up, only one question.

if that question is on a particular area that u're not very familiar with, then you're screwed.

and today, i realised that...no matter how much or how well i tried to memorise prior to the exams, somehow...something will just slip off my mind.

i am quite mad with myself for leaving out some issues today in my Bankruptcy and Probate question [there's no question on Winding up!! ): ]

and for my ethics? despite memorising those Rules, i can't remember the rule number. just the law. i am unable to cite the Rules number.

sigh. no point fretting about it now.

what's done is done.

now, i have to focus on my final paper on weds -- Evidence!

Exams, oh exams!

2010-07-16T22:37:00.001+08:00

another paper done today--Criminal Procedure.

honestly speaking, when i was revising and memorising for the past few weeks, Criminal Procedure was the subject that i worried the least.

reason being the past year exam questions had been quite straightforward.

however, after today's paper...

comparing with my previous two, i felt that the previous two were done better than today's.

the questions where i know what they are asking, i just simply can't remember.

i don't know why.

despite hours of memorising. sigh.

i really envy those with super-good memory.

there are two part questions that i am quite sure went down the drain already.

sigh.

worry.worry.worrrry.

well, 2 more papers and i'll be DONE!

...........................................................................................................................

after dinner, i received a text from baby teng, asking me when my exam will end.

i replied, saying next weds and asking her why?

her sister--chyn is leaving for Adelaide on Sunday and she's throwing a surprise farewell party at The Library.

sigh.

i was so, so, so tempted to go.

i haven seen chyn for ages and she'll be leaving this Sunday! ):

sigh.

loads of sacrifices were made (well, socially. lol) for this CLP exams,

please made it worth sacrificing!

...........................................................................................................................

Silly Mistakes.

2010-07-15T01:30:00.002+08:00

after so many years of studying, i realised that the main key to score well in exams is to stay calm and focus during the exams.

especially in those for those subjects which are wholly exam based. for the past 5 years, be it for my A Levels, LLB and now CLP, it's all exam based.

therefore, whether we pass or fail that paper would depend on the crucial 3 hours exam for each paper.

of course one has to study and prepare well before the exam.

but in exam conditions, many other factors may affect one's ability to do well.

time management is crucial too.

sometimes when you are just too excited to finish each question within the time limit, silly mistakes were made.

that was what happened to me today.

i screwed up badly for my Tort Statement of Claim.

despite reading the question carefully and being able to identify the place to be Kuantan, Pahang...i wrote Kuala Lumpur instead.

this is what happens when most of the past year questions i did was in KL.

and i missed out the whole introductory paragraph in relation to the Plaintiff's capacity. i started off immediately with the facts of the case.

i was halfway through my statement of claim when i realised my omission.

thank goodness Tort was the 1st question i did.

i finished it up anyhow and started off with my Contract question.

and the answers are not so lengthy and i had the extra time to re-write my entire Tort SOC. which was a huge relief.

it was a really silly mistake that was made, but such silly mistakes may cost me a lot of marks.

i had some other classmates which made mistakes, mistakes not on the point of law, but mainly the citation of statute.

it's just horrible to lose marks because of such mistakes.

sigh.

2 papers down, 3 more to go.

the third paper - Criminal Procedure would be on this Friday.

next week papers--

Professional Practice, is a KILLER paper. 5 subjects squeezed into one paper. 5 essay questions to be answered within 3 hours. only one statute book allowed. whether we score, pass or fail...would based a lot on how much we're able to remember.

Evidence is our final paper. amongst all subjects, i like studying Evidence the most...but the problem would be answering questions. as the questions tend to be tricky and once the wrong issue is identified, then SCREWED.

sigh.

im really looking forward to next weds. that would be our final paper...

and I DON'T WANT TO DO IT ANOTHER TIME! ! ! ! !

One Down, Four To Go.

2010-07-12T21:12:00.002+08:00

finally, one paper down, four more to go!

well, i am not sure how well i did for this paper.

it's quite doable although i don't have the 100% confidence.

i know that i can do better,

there are some cases which i can't recall the name.

and there are definitely some points i missed.

but what is done is done.

i did my best at that particular time.

i felt quite weird in this exam,

since we are always advised not to write too much

keep it short and simple

which is so different from all my LLB papers.

it's weird because, i think this is the 1st time i didn't request for an additional booklet.

i didn't even finish the 1st booklet that was given.

well, now i'll have to focus on my next four papers!

Don't Be Anxious.

2010-07-08T20:17:00.002+08:00

i wasnt until today that i realised that i can't handle obstacles well.

instead of remaining calm and try to solve the problem,

i will be anxious about it until the obstacles are overcome.

today i went to pick up my passport which was submitted for my visa application.

i was told that it's ready for collection,

and i wasn't actually informed whether my application was approved or refused.

when i was given the envelope containing my documents,

the first thing i checked was my passport.

and i realised that there is no visa attached inside there.

and i was like "hey...wait a minute....."

so i dig deeper into the envelop.

then only i saw the letter, stating that my entry was refused.

ok.

first, i was shocked.

because, honestly speaking...i didn't expect this at all.

i tripled checked everything that is needed.

so i thought it was the evidence of maintenance part that screwed me up...

then i read further to see the reason for refusal.

it was stated that the reason was because the transcript i submitted was not original.

at that time, i really freaked out, cause it was the exact same transcript which i received from UOL that i submit to them, and there was a seal on the 2nd page.

immediately, i fill up the administrative review form and submit back the same transcript, explaining that that document was sent by UOL and it is indeed original, evident by the seal mark at page 2.

although i did all that i could at that moment, and i have to wait for their answer...

i can't help feeling very extremely anxious.

exams will be next monday and it will last for about 1 1/2 weeks.

i keep worrying myself by asking...

what if i need to submit my passport sometime next week?

what if my application for review is again denied?

then i have to wait until after exam...

then, what about my bkk trip?

what about the money in the fix deposit? it means that my dad has to extend it, and....it's by no means a small amount!

sigh.

i know that there is nothing i can do other than to wait for the decision.

yet i keep worry.

i have to keep reminding myself, not to feel anxious. just submit everything to God.

Procrastinating.

2010-07-04T23:12:00.011+08:00

exams are just 8 days away. there are still loads for me to memorise.

yet my brain can't seem to absorb anymore.

i was staring at the same page for hours, somehow...i can't register any of it.

is it really possible that human's brain can be overloaded?

well, scientifically speaking, i guess the answer would be no.

i just don't have the motivation to memorise any of it.

i know that, to have motivation to do one thing, u have to have the passion for it.

this is what i always had, for the last 3 years whilst i was studying for my degree.

i studied, not only for exams, but i took the extra miles. i am willing to do the extra research not only for exam purpose but because i myself wanted to know more on that subject matter.

but now?

academically speaking, this is the final step.

the final step before i achieved what i wanted since 15.

yet, i felt like i had moved 10 steps backwards.

i am so de-motivated.

there is no passion in this at all.

i felt so useless.

i am probably just procrastinating.

i am probably just too lazy.

why do people procrastinate?

when they know that at the end of the day, they are just fucking themselves up?

that's what i am doing now.

if i dont bloody buck up now, i'll fucked myself up.

i'm a nerd.

2010-07-03T10:51:00.003+08:00

i feel like a total nerd lately.

i'm doing nth but memorising.

memorising all that can go into my tiny brain.

i can't even remember the last time i went out with my friends.

the last time i had a good laugh.

i can't wait for my exams to be OVER.

11 Days to go.

2010-07-01T06:29:00.001+08:00

11 days more. then my CLP exams will commence.

no words that can be used to describe what i am feeling now.

anxiousness, is underrated.

so many cases and sections and rules are not memorised yet.

i am not good enough.

2010-06-25T00:24:00.003+08:00

for the past week, i had been busy memorising for my upcoming exams and also busy compiling all my supporting documents for my visa application, which i have to hand it in tomorrow.

at the same time, i'm still waiting, quite anxiously for 2 emails from my new uni.

at or about 1130pm, i just woke up from a short nap, on my pc and log into my email account.

and i saw that there were many unread emails in my inbox, and the 1st email...was one of the email that i had been waiting for.

and.

i received a bad news.

my scholarship application had been rejected.

i felt very disappointed.

not only that my dad has to pay my full course fee, but to know that i am not good enough as well.

not good enough.

God is Love.

2010-06-22T05:38:00.003+08:00

in about less than 3 weeks, i would be facing my CLP examinations.

12.07 - Civil Procedure

14.07 - General Paper

16.07 - Criminal Procedure

19.07 - Professional Practice

21.07 - Evidence

it seems so easy, just 5 papers. hell yeah, but in actual fact we studied 10 subjects, for about 10 months?

the stress is building up.

there were times i just feel like shouting out loud.

i feel like crying. i even feel like i'm going to puke.

but at times like this, i really have to calm down.

and i have to say that, it's God that keeps me going.

since my Inter years, there are a few God's words that keeps me going.

that i repeated to myself whenever i feel like i'm facing difficulty or when i'm stuck.

it got me through my previous exams.

and i know that it will get me through, for my exams in few weeks times.

"Do not be anxious in anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God" (Philippians 4:6)

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6)

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt" (James 1:5-6)

Never Satisfied.

2010-06-21T01:14:00.003+08:00

it's human nature that we're never satisfied with what we have now.

when you bought an Iphone 3G, you felt that you're with the "in" group.

then now with the new Iphone4 launching, you feel the need to own it too.

that's how humans are.

we're never satisfied with what we have.

even if we manage to obtain it,

somehow, in future...u would realised that it's either not good enough,

or u get bored with it.

Lyrics of the songs i love.

2010-06-18T02:37:00.002+08:00

very recently, i started to love MayDay songs. it was actually since 5th june. after attending their concert, i just can't stop listening to their songs and getting to know more information about that band (from Wendy, and any English websites which feature them, which honestly speaking, quite limited)

thanks so Wendy, she sent me many of their songs. and i have to say that i love most of their songs, but there are two that i super-love now!

拥抱

脱下长日的假面奔向梦幻的强界
南瓜马车的午夜换上童话的玻璃鞋
让我享受这感觉我是孤傲的蔷薇
让我品尝这滋味纷乱世界的不了解
昨天太近明天太远默默聆听那黑夜
晚风吻尽荷花叶任我醉倒在池边
等你清楚看见我的美月光晒干眼泪
那一个人爱我
将我的手紧握
抱紧我吻我喔爱别走
隐藏自己的疲倦表达自己的狼狈
放纵自己的狂野找寻自己的明天
向你要求的誓言就算是你的谎言
我需要爱的慰借就算那爱已如潮水

溫柔

走在風中今天陽光突然好溫柔
天的溫柔地的溫柔像你抱著我
然後發現你的改變孤單的今後
如果冷該怎麼渡過
天邊風光身邊的我都不在你眼中
你的眼中藏著什麼我從來都不懂
沒有關係你的世界就讓你擁有
不打擾是我的溫柔
不知道不明了不想要為什麼我的心
明明是想靠近卻孤單到黎明
不知道不明了不想要為什麼我的心
那愛情的綺麗總是在孤單里
再把我的最好的愛給你
不知不覺不情不愿又到巷子口
我沒有哭也沒有笑因為這是夢
沒有預兆沒有理由你真的都說過
如果有就讓你自由自由這是我的溫柔

0640

2010-06-15T06:39:00.005+08:00

it's now 640am.

yet, i am unable to sleep.

reason being, i slept at 12am for four hours.

an intended short nap ended up to be a long one.

my sleeping time had been reversed now.

this always happens few weeks prior to exams.

i am mentally tired.

tired of loading all the informations into my tiny brain.

there is simply no motivation in studying.

was it because i just hate what i'm studying now?

or was it because,

there is no one to share my frustration in studies like before.

the people that walked into and out of life, are changing.

Meeting Expectations.

2010-06-05T06:30:00.003+08:00

there were many times where i questioned myself, am i doing what i am currently doing, or is it because people around me expects me to do this?

don't get me wrong, i am now pursuing what i wanted since 15. for the last 4 years, i am happy to say that i am enjoying what i was doing.

but, for the past 10months, i only enjoy half of what i am doing. unfortunately for me, this is one of the thing that i have to go through in order for me to achieve my dreams.

why am i working so damn hard for something that i dislike?

why am i still awake at 635 in the morning,fretting over questions that i can't answer wholly. and attempt to cover as many past year questions as possible.

am i doing this to just pass the exam? or to get good results and make my daddy proud and meet everyone's expectations on me or to make myself feel proud?

it's quite hard for me sometimes. to me, it's like if i didn't score well or if i fail, i sometimes feel as though the disappointment may not arise due to the failure itself, rather is that i failed to meet the expectations, what more exceeding those expectations.

in a way, it may be a motivating factor as well. for me to just continue studying, revising, memorising.

So Be It.

2010-06-01T02:24:00.003+08:00

Few weeks ago, I posted about me feeling extremely regretful of what I did few years ago. Something that cannot be undone. But as I said, people move on.

We don't live in the past, we look forward and we try to learn from our mistakes and never repeat them.

I do still feel sorry for what I did few years back, but...I don't feel sorry for the consequence or how the situation turned out to be today.

I am not trying to justify my wrongdoing. I know I was wrong. Period.

However, as the facts and truths start to reveal itself, made me even more sure of my decision to not turn back or to mend things. Although sometimes, I heard some news about that person, there is still some pain, but...I find it much easier to brush it aside now. Instead of pondering over it for hours or for days.

So what if some s.o.b. bitch about me to her?

And...so what if she chooses to believe that person?

It ain't matter anymore.

I can't help it if some people want to bitch about me. Even if that "some people" turns out to be someone that I am in friendly terms with.

It's impossible to make everyone like you. Even if a particular person succeed doing that, it would definitely not last long, because deep down..that type of person is actually a multiple-faced brat that just don't want to be the "bad-guy", and one day, the true face would be revealed.

If someone don't like me, because I'm me...well, so be it.

I won't lose sleep over it.

Stress

2010-05-27T03:40:00.002+08:00

STRESS.

stress. yes. that is what i am feeling lately. exam starts on the 12th July. means, less than 2 months from now.

there are just so,so much to memorise. the horrible part is that, most of it is pure memory work. i know, i keep repeating this, but seriously...it's all about testing how good one's memory is.

for the past 3 years during my degree, the way i revise each subjects would be in accordance with the revision timetable in my college.

so if let's say for that 2 weeks is on Evidence, then my revision would purely be on Evidence. it would be purely on doing past year questions on that subject.

but, once Professional Practice revision started. my timetable is all messed up. Why? Because 3 subjects is squeezed into one paper. I am only done with ethics,advocacy. and it's not even 100%. I halfway through bankruptcy. havent started on winding up. my land, well... can i give up?

SO DAMN STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

and now revision is on Civil Procedure already.

damn shit.

shit.

stress shit.

FML !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i need a drink.

Dull Me.

2010-05-21T02:29:00.002+08:00

i haven't been blogging much lately.

i suppose it's because my life has been pretty dull lately.

there's nothing much to blog about.

things are just...boring.

boring.

ohyea.

i suddenly remembered.

about a month ago, i blogged about KTM's implementation of "Ladies Coach".

as i mentioned in my previous post, i said that it was ineffective.

well, i have to take back my words now.

last monday, i took the KTM again.

and this time, i saw a vast difference.

this time, signboards are clearer, where the middle compartment is reserved for ladies only.

and they stationed one to two KTM staff, males to stand guard.

to ensure that no males actually went into that compartment.

what strikes me to be amusing is that, despite warnings...some men, were just so oblivious.

it happened when i was on my way back from Bank Negara, when the KTM stopped at Putra station. 2 male foreign workers actually board the Ladies Coach. i suppose they dont understand malay, english nor tamil. the staff has to point to the signboard and gesturing towards the other passengers, which are all ladies. and...they, still seem....well. BLUR.

the train already started moving, yet they are still inside and the KTM staff seemed lost of words.

finally, after a few minutes...only they are willing to head towards the other compartment.

i am glad that they started to take stricter measure to ensure the effectiveness of this Ladies Coach implementation.

but, the problem arose when it's during peak hour.

when i took the train, was during odd hours, so naturally, the train aint that packed.

my friend who board the train about 5sth in the afternoon, told me that... all the ladies will now want to squeeze into the ladies compartment. i mean, it's understandable. i wouldnt want to be in a compartment, where everyone is packed like sardine and being the one or 2 only girls. right?

so..what now ?

sigh. i can't believe i'm actually updating on KTM's Ladies Coach effectiveness.

this shows how dull i am lately.

Regret.

2010-05-04T00:05:00.003+08:00

Have u even done something, and subsequently regret doing it? I'm pretty sure that, somehow...you will regret doing or not doing something before. Be it something major or minor. At some point, everyone experience this negative conscious before.

Nevertheless, people tend to move on in life. Put the past behind them and continue with their everyday life.

The same happened to me. I did something that I regretted, really regretted doing it. And that was almost 3 years ago. What had been done, impacted my life at that point of time pretty much. Many things changed. Subsequently, misunderstandings occurred too. But then, somehow, I manage to overcome the feeling of regret. In other words, I move on from it.

Yet, almost 3 years later. The same issue came back haunting me.

The deep sense of regret started to feel my mind, my heart, my everything.

I don't think that I can just turn back and say "I am sorry". It's not about my pride, it's just that...if saying sorry can truly mend things, then I suppose those subsequent problems wouldn't even happen. Not to mention that the issue that triggered off those subsequent problems happened 3 years ago.

What else can I do?

Other than feeling what I am feeling now. Which is, regret.

Ladies Coach.

2010-04-28T18:44:00.004+08:00

About a month ago, KTMB announced that they will implement this new system where there would be coaches only for ladies. And I remember vividly that at that time, I was quite sceptical as to the success of such implementation. Like I mentioned in my previous post, to me, if the KTM passengers don't even bother to follow the most basic and common ethics in taking public transport,namely to que accordingly or to allow passengers to disembark first before boarding, what more abiding to a new "ladies coach" rules. Will it be effective?

Not only that, I was also sceptical as to how fast are they able to implement this rule. I mean, the KTM is famous for their delays. Be it "masalah teknikal" or it "Tren ke Rawang kini berada di somewhere-really-far-from-where-i-was-at-that-time" or "Tren ke Seremban yang dijadualkan tiba pada x.xx pm telah dibatalkan". I have been hearing all these for years and years. Despite their promises to upgrade their efficiency, I think I am quite justified to say that those are empty promises. So my next question will be that, how efficient will they be in implementing their new "ladies coach" rule?

On Monday, I was in KL Central, ready to board the KTM to head back home. And... well, I had the 1st glimpse of .....

To be honest, I was quite excited. I took out my mobile and took a photo of it (due to its low mp, it's not very clear) This is much for efficient than what I previously thought! But then again, it's just a label sticking at each window of that particular coach, that's not...very difficult? (ok, I should give them some credit for their efficiency lah)

Well, NOT surprisingly, both males and females board that compartment. When I went in, I even hesitated, is this the ladies coach or I went into the wrong compartment? Because the ratio of male and female is 50:50. The people either side of me and in front of me are all males. When I look further, it was a KTMB male staff.

Well, it's evident that such measures are just NOT effective.

It's just a mockery to put up such labels yet people are not following it.

All These Things That I've Done

2010-04-27T04:39:00.002+08:00

ALL THESE THINGS THAT I'VE DONE, By The Killers.

When there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
One more son
If you can hold on
If you can hold on, hold on
I wanna stand up, I wanna let go
You know, you know - no you don't, you don't
I wanna shine on in the hearts of men
I want a meaning from the back of my broken hand

Another head aches, another heart breaks
I am so much older than I can take
And my affection, well it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no no no no

Help me out
Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the backburner
You know you got to help me out

And when there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
These changes ain't changing me
The cold-hearted boy I used to be

Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the backburner
You know you got to help me out
You're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down

I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
...

Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the backburner
You know you got to help me out
You're gonna bring yourself down
You're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the backburner
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down

Over and out, last call for sin
While everyone's lost, the battle is won
With all these things that I've done
All these things that I've done
If you can hold on
If you can hold on

okay, i know this song is not exactly new. it was aired sometime in 2004. i was introduced to this song recently by Cat, and she's a big fan of indie rock.

and me..well, being...not very "in" in the music industry, i had a total misconception of this genre of music.

anyways, she posted this song on my FB, and, me being me, when i 1st hear a new song, i'm more attracted to the rhythm and melody.

somehow the tune stuck into my head, and i just love the beat of this song.

after that, i googled the lyrics. and, i have to admit that i'm having some difficulties in understanding the meaning of this song. so i even have to google it. and after understanding this song, i realised that i'm even more attracted to this song. and despite the differing interpretation of this song, i just feel that..it would be more meaningful if some parts of it i interpret it the way i want it to be.

so. here goes.

When there's nowhere else to run, Is there room for one more son

when you're totally stuck in a situation, u felt that u have no where else to turn, u're asking God, whether there's a place for u to seek solace.

asking, if God can take me under His wing, the other son, being Jesus Christ.

If you can hold on
If you can hold on, hold on

It's like telling me, whenever you can hold onto something, just hold onto it.

I wanna stand up, I wanna let go
You know, you know - no you don't, you don't.

You claimed to know that I wanna stand up and let go, but in actual fact...u dont.

This is just like what one face everyday, sometimes people around claimed they understand, they know..but sometimes...they actually DON'T!

Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the backburner

Asking Got to help me out, and don't put me in the last priority.

But then again, God is always there whenever we need Him? It's us who tends to neglect His presence.

I got soul, but I'm not a soldier

This is my favourite phrase in this song.

I like to see it as:

Everyone has soul, the passion to do something. There are certain things in life we want to achieve, and it's with the soul to do it, that we are one step closer in achieving. But there are sometimes that such ambitions couldn't be achieved without hurting others, so it stops us from heading towards such ambition. unlike a soldier who would kill and hurt others so long their mission is accomplished. so, i got soul..but i'm not a soldier.

Test of Memory Function?

2010-04-20T02:27:00.003+08:00

Two weeks ago, CLP Final Revision started. We started off with CPC, and each subject will be for a 2 week period and only 12 hours for each subject. We are done with CPC and next week, would be on Evidence.

I think it's only now that reality really hits me.

There are just so MUCH TO MEMORISE!

Finally at this point, I truly understand why seniors were complaining about the syllabus. And how some people said that passing CLP don't really need intelligence, rather memory work. The more your brain can absorb like a sponge, the better you will score. But of course you can't just blindly vomit everything out without applying the correct law. But stilll, the amount of cases and Acts we have to memorise? it's just...WAY TOO MUCH. the mere thought of memorising already freak me out.

But then again, who am I to complain? Even our Subject Outline for the Examination for the Certificate in Legal Practice 2010 made it clear that "the examination is not a test of memory function by the candidates".

So, I guess I have to quit whining about the bulk of things we have to memorise, and to actually start memorising it.

13 statutes all together which we are NOT allowed to bring into the exam hall. Okaylah, it's not that we have to memorise every single thing inside there, but... about 20% of it? And it's not inclusive of cases.

Now tell me that it's not a test of memory. hmm.

Wiser, Closer and Apart.

2010-04-16T01:11:00.003+08:00

recently, i just uploaded some new pics, those of which where i went travelling, either alone, with family or with friends, and it traces back as far as 2005. looking at those pictures, especially those where i went for trips with my close friends, i know it's just another cliche, but i can't help thinking how much we had grown to the person we are today. we grown wise, we grown closer and unfortunately, even grown apart.

the way we think today, and 5 years ago will definitely change. some of our mentality changed the same way, which made us even closer than before. for the others, we simply grew apart as we can't accept the changes that each of us now cultivate.

but for me, although we can't hang out as often as before, or laugh about the same issues nor share the same wavelengths anymore, to me, the fact that we used to have a strong bond when we were younger, made me feel that there were times that effort should be put into arranging a once in a while gathering. be it a birthday celebration or a simple nice dinner out. a simple catch up session, rather than a sudden total ignorance of each other's existence. but honestly, in the era of blogging and facebook-ing, it's hard to totally disconnect from each other, what i really meant was a physical meet up.

however, it would be totally useless if i'm the only one making the effort. it would be pointless if some people just feel like it's not necessary to turn up or even reply a simple text. or took ages to reply.

it's giving me unnecessary and unwanted stress. i'm starting to feel as though my effort & time in planning all of this. it's not that i'm a super free person with nth else better to do. don't get me wrong, if only there are fruits from all the efforts i'm putting in, i would think that it's worthy of me doing all of this.

but now? all i have is ppl complaining to me, ppl being unhappy for the changes in time and texts that are not replied.

My heart, sinks.

2010-04-11T18:00:00.002+08:00

i know that i'm never good in penning down my feelings. somehow, i find it hard to use words to describe what i feel.

thus, i never really know what exactly, how does it feels when one's heart sinks.

nor the empty feeling in the pit of one's stomach.

i mean, i understand the definition, but i guess i would never really know what it meant, until i myself felt it.

and recently, i finally knew what it meant.

A Day in Malacca.

2010-04-04T22:25:00.005+08:00

yep. went to melaka again. this would be the 3rd trip this year. well, since i had a weekend off, which is really rare, since i have weekend classes. so finally i have one weekend off, and it's easier to accommodate wendy and cat since both of them are working. so, initially the 3 of decided to go SOMEWHERE for the weekend. we planned to head down to Penang initially. but...cat last minute ffk us. well, actually not really last minute, our trip itself was a very sudden decision. i think it was about 2 weeks ago that we decided to go somewhere (well, i suggested that we should go somewhere lah...hehee)

then, cat told us last week that she can't as her parents are coming down from tawau. so just me and wendy. and neither of us can drive down to Penang, some more have to spend a night. we did contemplate flying/taking the bus to Penang..then, i itchified, go check the flight to Singapore, two ways RM179! Why not just head to Spore? Well, I was quite pump up with that idea, started checking hotel rates (though i actually dont mind flying there early morning and fly back at night), and...we did our calculations...Well, not that we're super rich (cause if we're, we'll probably fly to somewhere further for the weekend!)...so we end up going to good 0l'Melaka.

And...we can also celebrate a friend's birthday too! -- though we were super late!

so on Saturday late morning, we started our journey down to Melaka (Wendy drove)

the sky is just so blue! the clouds so soft. wonder if i can just grab it?

reached AyerKeroh.

as usual, our 1st stop -- lunch -- chicken rice balls.

well, the portion up there was meant for 3 pax. we were just way TOO HUNGRY, so we ordered for 3. AND, we manage to finish it (well, obviously i ate the bigger portion.... )

but i have to say this, i dont think the next time i'm in Melaka i would want to eat it anymore. i'm starting to feel that it's overrated. and, especially in a one day trip, u cant fit chicken rice balls, cendol and cendol and more cendol, curry mee, snacks (sold along Jonkers Walk) and satay celup all in one day right? i suppose the one i would forgo would be the rice balls.

after lunch, we head to OrangUtan House, to meet our dear friend. it was his birthday sometime last month. and..well, Wendy decided to get him a strawberry pie for him so we can have it together whilst chatting in the shop.

and what a coincidence, he even bought cakes for us! because he wants to treat us, for his birthday! lol. that's really,really sweet of him!

one of the funniest and the most honest person i met. and, i know it's like a cliche, but time flies!!!!!! me and wendy knew him for FOUR YEARS already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lol. i love this shot. caught him "membebeling" to Wendy! ahahhahaaa

we sat in the shop for hours! we just talk and talk and talk about almost everything!

after that, we want to go for cendol, but that place was freaking packed. i was queuing whilst Wendy went to look for seats. but...too full. not to mentioned that this place was the other end of Jonker walk, and we have to walk through the rain (we forgot our umbrellas!)

kind of potong stim lah. so we head back to the car, planning to go Pahlawan Mall and buy Starbucks coffee, to keep us awake - especially Wendy on our drive back to KL. sigh. it was JAM. all the way. missed the turning. turn one big round. JAM again. then decided to turn into Mahkota Parade instead.

wendy's caramel latte. my cappuccino with an extra shot.

this time -- MsTaipei meets MrMacau (:

both me and wendy talked almost all the way back to KL.

mostly about? our 1st impression towards each other. how we ended being as close we are now, despite not being so close, especially the first 6 months of knowing each other. and, really... this only proves one fact--that only times can reveal whether a person is a true friend or not.

just because two individuals started off thinking that they are definitely not each other's type of friend, but i believe that, friendship, like any other relationship is fated. some are just meant to be, some are not. and i truly believe that this friendship is fated. and i'm grateful for that.

thank you, wendy! (:

Being Groped whilst disembarking the KTM.

2010-04-03T23:35:00.003+08:00

few days ago, ie: thursday, was my first day where i dont need to wake up early for work. i actually woke up at 530pm!i know, i know. i'm such a pig. but then again, i lack sleep for the past 10 weeks, i feel justified sleeping that long. lol.

well, once i woke up, i went downstairs to make myself a nice tumbler of coffee. then i took the NST, and look at the front page. i can't really rmbr the exact heading, but it has something to do with KTMB wanting to have a special coach for woman passenger. my 1st reaction was...OOOKAY, if u have that many resources, why not start by increasing the amount of coaches available, or at least try to decrease the delays that KTMB is famous for. i mean, yea...i know that many other more advanced countries like HK had a particular section in their coach where they only allow woman passenger...but then, does KTMB really has the ability to follow suit? i'm quite a frequent KTMB passenger myself, so I am quite justified to say that, out of 10 times i took the KTM, there would delay 7 times. For example today, i waited more than 30 minutes for my train, despite KTMB promising the passenger that every train would come in 20mins time. and on thurs itself, despite it being a peak hour where ppl just got off work, on train heading to Seremban was cancelled, that would mean 40mins of waiting time. and many, many other times. i can go on and on an on about it.

nontheless, i am aware that there were cases where women were molested in the KTMB, especially when it's very pack. and..well, my sister was a victim before when she was a secondary school, and that psycho even had an erection. because my sister "felt something hard". i know...GROSS.

and i was told that it was reported in the chinese paper before, that not only such pervert molested women, had erection. even ejaculated. omg. seriously, wouldnt he get all wet? TRIPLE GROSS.

sigh.

but i didn't read the whole article, because...to me. maybe it's just another proof that action has to speak louder than words. how many promises that were made but remained unfulfilled?

on the very same day, i have to go to kl central to meet my former boss. for convenient sake, i took the ktmb. well. looks like i condemned KTMB too early.

some pervert actually groped by ass.

i was shocked as something was grabbing my ass. it happened whilst i was getting down in central whilst many ppl tried to cram into the train. im pretty sure that person is boarding the train instead of disembarking because when i look behind, they are all ladies that were disembarking with me.

i'm really speechless. i dont even know who is the culprit.

if i were to know who the culprit is, well..trust me, i'll definitely DO SOMETHING. i haven't figure out what would i do yet, but it would be something BIG.

sigh. after being the victim...am i thankful or happy that KTMB may have women-passenger-only coaches? well. it's definitely too early to say anything. majority of KTMB's passengers don't even queue accordingly. they don't give way. they don't go into the middle part of the compartment. well, to put it crudely, most KTMB passengers are, well..not-very-civilised. even if there are more civil ppl, they ended up becoming uncivilised too because they are being out-numbered. if so, how many will actually abide to the regulation?

time, will reveal the answer. but before that, will such action will even be taken in the first place?

Last Day.

2010-04-01T21:51:00.002+08:00

yesterday, was the last day of March...it was also my last day of work as an attachment student. like a blink of the eye, i worked in that law firm for 2 1/2 months!

i know that 10 weeks is not a very long time, but somehow i felt that i was there for a very long time. i'm so used to getting up at crack of dawn, just to make sure my punch card is not red in colour. and then start work. i enjoyed most of my research work a lot. i dont deny that there were times i felt frustrated with work. especially when i can't seem to find the answers for the questions i'm seeking. to know that there are unanswered questions made me very fidgety. but, when i finally manage to come to an answer, the satisfaction is, indescribable.

despite being only an attachment student, i was given quite a lot of work and i'm thankful that most of it are relevant for my CLP examinations. i covered a lot on civil procedure, a lot on winding up and bankruptcy, a little on ethics and advocacy.

yesterday, i was rushing all my final work, make sure everything is done before i left. and i feel a bit sad, somehow, because i wouldn't be doing this until end of next year or the following year. i know that i will missed it. and in a way, i feel settled. reason being is that, at least i know what would life be for me for the next 20-30 years. it may be hectic, stressful, frustrating at times...but as my boss said, so long u have the passion for it...everything would come through.

finally, when i got everything done...sent my final research to my boss, i said goodbye to those who are still in the office (i have to stay back since i'm not able to get in done by 545pm!) most of the LAs are still there. we chatted a while, and i'm glad to be able to work with and for them.

all in all, this 10 weeks had been a very,very fruitful 10 weeks. i gain tremendous knowledge and experience, despite the short period.

MrParis,MsTaipei,MsBali.

2010-03-22T23:23:00.002+08:00

for the past few months of working, i have to admit that i'm definitely not an award-winning-super-diligent-abide-by-the-rules' attachment student. of course i do my best to complete my tasks competently, but honestly speaking, who can stand 8 hours of reading cases/statutes/rules etc? no matter how much i enjoyed what im reading for most of the times, well...my brain can't absorb that much information.

so, how am i able to get through all of these? well, it's EMAIL-ING with wendy and cat. all 3 of us are working, at a different place of course. and we emailed each other very frequent. most of our dates were set during work via email.

and last week, we decided to have a Starbucks Tumbler meeting! cos all of us had the almost the same kind, those with the name of the country you bought it from. Cat went to Paris few weeks ago, and Wendy's Taiwan whilst mine is Bali.

So we head to Starbucks at Bangsar (the most conveniently location for the 3 of us).

missy catherine, as how wendy likes to call her.

me with mr paris.
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and as usual, no photo of wendy.

where MrParis meets MsTaipei and Ms Bali.

Feelings I hate.

2010-03-18T00:30:00.002+08:00

i dont know why i'm feeling what i'm feeling now.

even just talking about it brings tears to my eyes.

this is just so not my week.

i hate everything that is going on right now.

how i wish i can fast forward the time now.

maybe just until October?

at least i know that i'm so far away,

that nothing matters.

Life.

2010-03-14T22:45:00.002+08:00

i was just sitting here, staring at the monitor, thinking about what to blog. all my emotions are trapped in my heart and mind. there are so many things that i want to said it out loud, but sometimes, some things are better to left kept.

then just about 10 minutes ago, my mom called me. asking me about one of my secondary school teacher's name. Pn Lim. i would say that she's the nicest teacher in my old school. never once i heard her raising her voice. i can still remember that she is the PK Hal-Ehwal. she teaches maths/add-maths up till form6 level.

my mom asked me whether i know her son's name. her son is few years my senior and he's very smart too. one of the top scorer, and i vaguely remembered that my sister told me that he's studying medicine, so by now he would be already be a doctor.

the reason my mom asked was because, her son just passed away. and he's only 28.
he was at Pulau Perhentian with friends and he drowned.

my heart aches for my teacher. for all his friends. his family.

life is so short.

people always said, enjoy life to the maximum.

what if your life was sacrificed because u're enjoying it?

everything is so unpredicatable.

Selfish Me.

2010-03-14T00:47:00.002+08:00

do you believe that it's possible for a guy and a girl to be really,really good friends? so good till the extent that you can share almost everything and be there for each other?

i used to believe that it's possible, reason being is that i myself did have a very good friend which is of the opposite sex. having him as a friend is one of the greatest thing that happened to me, he is always there for me when i needed a shoulder to lean on. and we both know that it's extremely impossible for us to fall for each other, because we are so not each other types. we know that both of us can and will only be very good friends. and i really cherish this friendship a lot. sometimes i felt that i need him so much till the extent that i felt that im being selfish.

i dont deny that there were times that i myself am aware that he did much more for me than the other way round. i share my problems to him more than the other way round. i thought i was because he's just being a typical guy, where they don't talk about their feelings.

since few weeks back, i felt that somethings kind of change between us. and i know that he's actually going after another girl.

and now, they are officially together.

i know that i'm not in the position to feel jealous or anything. i know that i'm not jealous. part of me aches, because i know that i'm about to lose something.

things will not be the same anymore, as now...the extent of him caring for me would be limited.

i know that i sounded very selfish. but i just can't help it.

somehow, i felt like i lost a good friend already.

i don't think i can take losing friends anymore. i'd lost too many already.

hurt.scared.depressed.

2010-03-08T23:22:00.003+08:00

since i started working, i know that there are more responsibility on me, and i know that it's inevitable that i would get stressed at times. and about enough sleep, even before started working, my sleeping hour has always been quite irregular. i can sleep for 15 hours a day, or just abour 2-3 hours a day for the entire week. i know that mentally i am able to handle the stress level. juggling between work, studies and socialising. but i guess my body cannot take it. my stress is all shooting out via my face. since last week, more acne came out. especially last week. and yesterday night, i was discussing with my mom and my sis about my condition. my sister was on isotretinoin last year, and it worked well for her. but she started consuming it back recently because her acne came back. though in a lesser dosage.

i was not on that medication because my previous skin specialist did not prescribe me that, in fact he stopped my antibiotics about a year ago. he told me that i don't need to consult him anymore, just have to purchase the cream/lotions.

but i suppose my condition is really severe now.

last night i was lying on my bed, thinking...about myself. my condition. it's like i lack so many things. i don't have the body. i dont have the face. and my face is covered with acne.

i know, it sounded so pathetic.

this morning i woke up, my face felt very pain. im not joking. felt swollen and it's throbbing at certain areas.

i looked into the mirror. few mega-big acne made its appearance. and it's those green type one. i was just so depressed about it. but, i couldn't just stay home for the rest of the day. i need to get my arse up, for tuition. i need to go to the bank. etc. etc.

after completing everything i needed to do, i went to another skin specialist that my sister recommended me.

and the specialist straightaway presribe me isotretinoin. for 6 months. i know that it's the most effective medication currently available. ofcourse, it ain't cheap.

but,i was scared. why? there are several side effects of consuming this drug. amongst others are birth defects - so i cant get pregnant in one year's time, dryness. and it would be the whole body including the eye, depending on each individual. and the one that i'm very scared that would happen to me is clinical depression.

i am scared that i would be depressed. that my emotions would be unstable. i'm worried. not to mention with everything that i'm currently going through.

so, my dear friends...if you guys are reading this, bear with me for 6 months. if i lost my patience, lost control, being so emotionally unstable. please, i don't intend it. it may be the isotretinoin talking.
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my face still hurts.

It Has Been a Long, Long Week.

2010-03-07T22:31:00.004+08:00

i was looking at my previous post and i realised that it has been almost a week since i last post anything new up. i guess i had been way too worn out, not only from work but also from other annoying things that pop up last week and also a great time hanging out with my friends. ohyaa...and some very little time to study as well *guilts* exams in like, less than 5 months! and to be completely honest, i seriously haven't started on anything yet.

okay, first thing first. my work, though my boss is pretty demanding, but...i didn't regret working there though i always feel tired when i attend my night classes. i know that i learnt a lot of things there. in some way it enhance my understanding in civil procedure, bankruptcy and winding up. it does. and in a way, it kind of train me to always be very,very careful with the words i used. when sometimes you have to draft a letter, you can't just outright demand what you want...how to make it sound more subtle, yet getting what you want. (the fact that i spent more hours figuring out the format of the letter than the contents of the letter is whole different learning experience altogether!)

all i have to say is that, majority of the time i was in office, i really enjoyed it. in a way, it made me even sure of myself, that what i decided to pursue when i was 15, still stand firm today. and i really look forward to chamber in 2 years time!

okay. what about those annoying little things that i mentioned? well, as we all know, now that we're in the IT generation or whatever cyber generation (however it is now termed, you get what i meant-lah), all of us are over-relied on the internet. whether you're accessing it via ur Iphone, BlackBerry nor HTC, it's like you just CAN'T go through a day without the access. well, tough for me. i can't afford such smartphones/PDA, and my only access is via my house desktop. and, i don't even have a laptop. since i'm going to be away for more than a year, i definitely need to get a laptop.

because i lack the time to go to the shop to get one, i purchased it online, and ofcourse...Dell would be the most convenient one. instead it almost made my life hell.

the very next day after i made my order, my desktops' motherboard (not sure of the spelling, to be quite honest, i'm a pure-pc-virgin) is spoiled. since my desktop is still under warranty, then it would take 4 weeks for it to be serviced.

so my dad has to drag out our old desktop to use it first. it's really really old and malfunctioning. like just now, it took me about 40 mins to actually start the cpu. so for the past few days, i can't really online much nor can i sign into my FB nor update my blog. the only time i can get such access is during my working hour, and ofcourse i can't like just surf FB all the time. sigh.

okok, back to my order---

i made my order online on the 21st Feb. since then, i didn't receive any email confirming my payment or any news from their side. for the past few weeks, it was me who kept calling them to ask and to keep track of my order status. it was only last thurs that Dell told me that the model i ordered, wouldnt be available only April. and they called my house phone, naturally my mom picked up. my mom was informed that they're not able to contact me. and i only receive ONE miss call from them. is it really that hard to dial the same number one more time?

i tried calling them the next day, and i was put on hold for like eternity, well it felt like eternity to me. i'm not exaggerating. i was put on hold until my credit FINISHED. i spent about rm15 plus just to attempt to call them. i didn't even have my question answered!

finally, someone from Dell actually called me back. to explain the whole situation to me. i can't help it. my patience is at its limit already. two weeks were used to determine that my model is no longer available, i have to add rm500 (in total would be rm4379)for a different model because i don't want to wait...and i was told that i can only get the other model delivered in another 2 weeks time. and they can't confirm whether this other model that i ordered is actually available or not. i was very unhappy because their website is very,very misleading. it was stated 5-7 days delivery, yea..with the "*" and the tiny small words "terms & conditions apply etc etc" but, that's the impression that you're giving us as consumers. don't state what you might not be able to do.

okok, i know i'm venting out my frustration here. well the good side though,is that this person that called me, is very kind enough to assist me. and give me his/her words that he/she would now attend to my order personally and i can finally get an extension number, rather than been put on hold forever.

a great time with friends? well, for the past few weeks...i had been going to theLibrary at eCurve on a weekly basis. hoegaarden&stella. beer. drinking & chilling with friends. nothing can be better than a pint of hoegaarden or stella after a long & stressful week. (:

all in all..it has been a long, long week!

2010-03-01T23:08:00.003+08:00

have you ever realise that it's so much easier to make many new friends, but to maintain one, it is so so much harder?

maybe i had always be naive in this kind of thing. i will think that so long i made the effort to maintain the friendship, so long i still care for that friend, be there for that friend,we will and always will remain friends.

guess i was wrong. it's time for me to accept the fact that maybe because that person doesnt want the same thing as i do. maybe it's time that i just move out of that so-called friendship.

or i may be misinterpreting that person's action. i may be wrong. but. what else can i do?

i don't deny that there was always a doubt in me, thinking whether is this so-called friendship worth me going through all these? i had been weighing this issue for a couple of months, and i am being extremely fickle-minded and i hated being in such a dilemma.

i don't know what else i can do now. the simple answer will probably be that i should just MOVE ON with my life and don't get bothered about this issue anymore.

it sounded so easy, but...how am i to do that? to do that would be quite a selfish act as it may affect the other people around me.

sigh.

well, at least i know that about 5 months from now, i would be able to avoid this whole issue completely. i know, it doesnt sound like a solution, but i suppose this is the best that i am able to do.

right?

i cant still remember last Sunday, when my lecturer said that she has 7 friends, and they are her friends since 10 years old. many of my classmates chuckled when she said that. but to me, i dont find it amusing at all. i mean, when i was just 17 years old, i thought that i have many,many friends. but i guess i was way too naive. i dont even know the definition of a friend. as the years passed by, the quantity of my friends actually reduces. i guess when u are 17, you call everyone as your friend.

today, after going through some really rough times last year, when my group of secondary friends split apart, those that survive that split with me, are truly the very few people whom i would be able to call as a friend.

i'm not saying that i'm restricting myself from knowing new people, i can always be there for those who needs me, but i know that when i myself is in need of people, there are only a few people whom i can turn to.

Desperate Me.

2010-02-22T23:14:00.002+08:00

i am suppose to be completing a 1000 words essay for a personal statement. i am suppose to email it 2 weeks before chinese new year. i spent hours staring at the keyboard, staring at the monitor. i have to no idea what to write, yet i am so, so, so desperate for the scholarship. they are only giving out 3 for international students...what are my chances?

i know, i shouldn't be spending time blogging here, i shouldn't be worrying about being rejected, rather to focus on that personal statement.
but, i'm really scared. nervous. of being rejected.

because, if i am...it will costs my dad and my family a lot. i am definitely not from a rich family, i would say slightly better than average. my dad works hard for us. he started planning and saving on our education since we were born. but sometimes, money can never be enough. i know my dad agrees to support me financially and he's being very supportive and very proud of my being offer a place. i'm proud to be able to make him proud of me.

all of these makes me even more desperate for that award.

i think, this would be the thing that i wanted so bad, so desperately...till the extent that other problems in my life now seems so irrelevant, seems so minor.

i am so damn desperate now!

2010-02-13T01:41:00.002+08:00

it's 1.45am. im tired and sleepy. yet i havent bath, i havent removed my makeup. i just feel like snuggling into my comforter. but something is keeping me awake. something that's nagging me inside my head. i know what's the correct thing to do. i mean, everyone knows what is the correct thing to do, the correct choices...but it's the weak one that made their emotions take over them. and that must not happen to me. yet i can't stop myself from aching.

sigh.

well, for the entire week...been seriously lacking sleep. i had been so damn UNproductive, i'm not done with my application, sth which i planned to send in last week. i barely studied. it's CNY soon and i havent clear my room yet. wellll; so long im comfortable with it...who cares?! besides, i'll be heading back to BatuPahat tmr, leaving at SIX in the morning. sigh. so much of 12 hours sleep. i cant even rmbr the last time i DONT need to wake up at like 5 sth in the morning. sigh. . . .

i know that whatever i'm blogging now doesnt really make sense. at first i seem to be going through some emotional problem, and on the other side i'm blabbing on whatever i had done this week. my mind is not right now.

guess i better go to bed. ohya, bathe 1st.

well, whoever is reading this....

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

WISH ALL OF YOU A PROSPEROUS TIGER YEAR!

I think, I'm Fallin' For You.

2010-02-08T01:26:00.005+08:00

Lyrics | Colbie Caillat lyrics - Fallin' For You lyrics

I Know.

2010-02-04T23:00:00.002+08:00

i felt like i havent blog for ages, but when i look back at my last post, i realised that it was like just 2 days ago. maybe it's because that there a lots of things that are locked up inside my mind,my heart yet i can't seem to find the time to express it out.

my workload in office is getting more, i think i'm starting to get used to it. although for the past few weeks, my boss only asked me to do research on case law and sometimes he will ask my opinion on some particular issues in his case, it is only about this week that i felt really involve in this one particular case. my boss asked me to draft a submission for him, and since it's my 1st time doing it, i don't even know what it is! thank goodness phang is there to help me. i need to re-draft several time, and he has to edit it a few times before it even amounts to a proper submission. i did it in a real hurry, it's like the hearing is tomorrow and i submit it to my boss at about 630pm the day before.

this is a whole new learning process to me. and i'm glad that i'm actually learning all of these before i start chambering. but i know that i'm actually lucky that i'm given an opportunity to do all of these, because i know some of my friends that did attachment that wouldn't have such opportunities.

and today, my boss asked me to do another submission too. and this time, i hope i would make lesser mistakes.

sometimes i felt really stupid and small when i speak to my boss, it's like the knowledge he has is so overwhelming that i felt like a small ant. although it has been a month, i'll still feel very nervous whenever he called me into his room. due to this, when there were times where he asked me for my opinion, or ask me how to argue it out...somehow, i can feel pride surging through me, it's as though my opinion matters. but of course, if my opinion is so-not-relevant, well...i'll feel even smaller than a small ant.

all i can say for now is that i'm sure that the choices i made for the past few years is on its right path.

i know that law is my route.
i know that i want to practise.
i know that there would be more exciting part than boring part.
i know that it will be a never-ending learning process.
i learned something new everyday. it may be interesting, and some is boring. but at least i'm learning, and that definitely counts for something.

Road Trip to K.Selangor - Paddy Field, Beach, Seafood & Great Company!

2010-02-02T00:54:00.009+08:00

last saturday, my bunch of CLP mates decided to head down to K.Selangor for a road trip and seafood dinner. one night before the trip, me and jilly were still contemplating whether we want to go or not, since we're so damn broke and tired...but our final decision--quite obvious lah. hehehee.

we all meet up around ATC, then chelsea and seetlong drove down to k.selangor. the journey took us about 1 1/2 hours.

on our way, we pass by this huge "ladang kelapa sawit"

once we arrived k.selangor, we stopped at the paddy field. since zizi insisted of taking pics there! but i have to say, i'm glad we did cos we took loads of pics there and had lots of fun!

the world is so beautiful, ain't it?

total - 9 of us. i'm not sure who is who..but there were - me,jilly,zizi, sarahkate, jenn, chelsea, lihong, seetlong and tony.

the girls.

trying to reach for the sky!

KungFu Act by-Sarah Kate, Tony, LiHong, SeetLong.

we were at the paddy field for more than one hour! it's amazing how we can spend such a long time just to take pics. not to mention that it was so freaking HOT!

our next stop - the beach. if i'm not mistaken, the name of that beach is pantai redang! it's really ironic cos..well, it's the total opposite of pulau redang.

although it's not as beautiful as pulau redang, but...sunsets, especially at the beach always catches my breath away.

especially in such situation, im quite sad to say that those 3 are my friends! LOL!

Jenn,me,Jilly,Zizi,Chelsea and SarahKate. (:

we just love to pose!

All of us!

You wouldn't know how much energy was needed to just take pics! we were alll so-damn-hungry!!! head down to the seafood restaurants area, and we decided on RiverView.

Quickly ordered our food.

i seriously cant rmbr what was our exact order, i know we had prawn,crabs,fish,vegie and chicken.

feeling soooo satisfied after our meal!

well, i'm glad to had decided to go with them. i had loads of fun with all of them. if someone would've ask me to go to the paddy field, i'll find it really boring. but then, really..it depends on whom u're going with. with this bunch of crazy and fun-filled gang, going anywhere wouldn't be boring! (:

Think and Reason Like A Man.

2010-02-01T02:50:00.002+08:00

sometimes i really wish that i can think and reason like a man.

especially when i'm having an emotional conflict.

men will just cast everything aside.

not think about it.

not to be emotional.

to not care.

but, somehow i just can't do that.

it's hard to just pretend that i don't care.

to pretend that it doesn't matter anymore.

where in actual fact, i still care because i realised that i'm nevertheless emotionally affected in some way.

so, how and what should i do?

i want to care, but i can't help feeling prejudicial against that person. i find it really, really hard to cast that prejudice away.

i want to ask, but my voicebox is unable to function.

if i can think like a man, then i wouldn't have such emotional conflicts. how i envy them now.

Forbidden Love.

2010-01-31T02:08:00.002+08:00

have you ever fall for someone, so hard, till you constantly think if that person.

you wish that person would always be by your side. care for you like you're the only one that matters. to be there for you no matter what.

i'm sure that many of you have or had such feelings before.

but, what if such feelings wouldn't ever reciprocate?

this is call forbidden love.

never, ever, ever--indulge yourself into such thing.

Different Emotions.

2010-01-28T23:31:00.002+08:00

this week, different emotions had been running in and out of me. it's like everything good/bad happened this week. i'll start with Monday.

on Monday morning, as usual i had to teach tuition. class starts at 9am. and sometimes i felt really sorry for my students, because i'm not a morning person. especially if i only had about 3-4 hours of sleep the night before, and that is usually the case for the past few weeks. i felt very,very grumpy and got very irritated easily. but anyhow, i tried to go on with my responsibility as a tutor, i continue making notes for them, making sure they actually understand what i taught them.

what made me even more pissed on Monday, wasnt my students. but my boss. the owner of that tuition centre. all this while, i know that my boss actually knows very little about me.despite teaching there for about 4 1/2 years. when i started working, he did enquire about my studies, but he never remembers it as i'm not a public uni student. his mindset is still in the 1970s where public students are generally of the best quality. i'm not denying that public uni students today are good, especially those that entered throught STPM. but, the truth is that education in Malaysia is evolving and students of good quality do not necessarily only come from public uni, especially recent graduates.

now, i'm not saying that i'm one of the so called quality students, but i know all this while, my boss didnt really respect me. in his eyes, only public uni students are worth praising. and i know for sure that my boss felt something is lacking in me as im chinese illiterate.

i never attempt to change my boss' impression towards me. to me, i know that i'll never stay long in that tuition centre, in fact i myself was surprise to be there for more than 4 years. besides, maybe i myself felt that...it doesnt matter to me what i boss think of me.

my relationship with my boss werent very good, especially since 2 years back, when i started asking for a pay raise. and there were few times i objected to the way he changed my class time. and i know he dislike me photocopying notes for my students.

i just ignored all of this, and did what's best for my students. i understand that he has financial difficulties, so i wasnt very persistent about my salary issue.

anyhow, i know that i can teach until April there, since i'll be facing my CLP exams in July and upon completion of CLP, i'll either start my pupilage/LL.M, so i informed my boss 2 weeks ago and asked him to get a new tutor asap.

he manage to get someone, and i wanted to know when this new tutor can take over my classes. AND, the question that he threw to me was just, just too unacceptable and for a moment, i was too shocked for words. i just stared at him.

he was asking whether i can give the new tutor my notes.

MY NOTES. all my hard work, of making almost everything from the textbook in chartform. the one i constantly update for my students. the notes i spent UNPAID hours of doing it. the notes that i printed out using my OWN PRINTER without claiming from him. the notes that he used to ask me NOT TO PHOTOCOPY.

i took a deep breath, and said no. it's my own notes. he still have the nerve to say "oh, i thought it was the notes from ur school days" wth. i know i told you before that those are my own personal notes.

once i said no, he even told me that he actually asked my ex-students for those notes.

then i look at him, trying to stay calm and said, i can't stop my ex-students from giving it to you, nor can i stop u from giving it to the new tutor who will subsequently distribute to a new class of students. BUT if u're asking for my permission, the answer is no.

i may be too blunt. but honestly, with my previous encounter with things like my notes? i had enough. once bitten, twice shy.

my boss was definitely unhappy with me, and he tried to make me feel guilty by saying things like "if u really care about the students' education, you wouldnt even mind giving it to the new tutor. i can offer u money for ur notes, but i find it inappropriate to do so."

to me, it's simple. if u offer me money, depending how much, i will actually consider whether to sell u my notes. at least it's a proper bargain. hell, i may be materialistic..but this is a materialistic world. plus i teach tuition not because i want to educate the future leaders of the world, but i need the extra cash. that's it. nothing noble about me being a tutor.

and hello, although that was the main purpose i started teaching, but over the years, no one can said that i dont care about my students at all. i can chose NOT to do any notes for them. and for the entire 2009, i extended my SPM students class for 30 mins every week without fail, and i didnt claim for the extra time.

i was just too pissed with my boss. he even told me that this new tutor is from a chinese independent school and his malay language may not be very good, so he needs my notes. WTH. at first u find me not-good-enough because im chinese illiterate, and now?

sigh.

as i mentioned before, different emotions running through me. on tues night, i felt very guilty. it was about 5sth in the evening. i was getting ready to sign off (from another job) and head to my 630 class. then, my boss asked me to read a bundle of documents, one LA passed it to me. and, i thought it was for a case next week (which is part of my research area) so i said i'll bring it home and read. then the LA told me, it's for tmr's hearing! i was like..HAR??? but boss told me next week? then, it was a different case but interrelated... aiks. conclusion is, i went for class and the LA did the reading. i felt so,so,so guilty cause i know that this LA has loads of work too. he usually only leave office about 10sth at night. :-( i'm so,so sorry, but...i cant missed classes.

and TODAY...i didn't check my email for the entire day. so about 3 hours ago, i signed in, then was seeing who sent me email..THEN..i saw the subject : Queen Mary University of London:Offer of Place. my heart skips a beat, well more like triple beats.

clicked on it. I AM OFFERED A PLACE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is definitely the BEST news i received for 2010. in fact, 2nd best for my entire life!

the first person i told was winnie, cos she's online..then i msn my sister, but she's away. and then i went upstairs and informed my parents. they are definitely very happy for me. :D

and i have to thank God. He is the one that made everything to run smoothly for me. Thank you, Lord.

i know that this would be an extra financial burden for my dad. there were times that i doubt my decision. thinking whether i'm doing the right thing.

so, i'll definitely apply for a full/partial scholarship. i know that the scholarship is extremely limited, i just have to pray hard that i would be awarded at least the partial scholarship.

well...i'm SOOO EXCITED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hoegaarden -- I Like.

2010-01-20T00:25:00.002+08:00

as mentioned in my previous post, i started my attachment last Tuesday, and even on the very 1st day, i had loads of work/research to do. everyday without fail,my boss would give me new research to do, despite other pending research. nevertheless, i tried my best to complete the research as promptly and if possible, without any mistake. (i would just hate to re-do everything!)

although i only work 4 days a week, when it was Friday...i feel like kissing the ground. finally...a long weekend. plus i didn't attend saturday's lectures and sunday morning's lecture was cancelled.

due to the hectic week i had, im just dying for an outing with any of my babes. i haven't seen them for the entire weeeek! and i seriously need a drink. i think i can almost understand why sometimes people said "i so need a drink".

hence i decided to ask winnie for hoegaarden. and...where? ofcourse the Library (The Curve). Their hoegaarden (12pm-3pm) cost only rm36 for 2 pints.

it ain't small!

we reached there about 3pm, that time it was quite empty. i think only about 3 tables that were occupied. but when it was almost 5pm, i have to say..business looks pretty good. i mean, it's a monday evening and working hour is not officially over yet. people are already filling up the empty tables.

i suppose their happy hour promotion is extremely worth it. even we ordered the 2nd time.

the staff took away my empty glass, hence the 3 glasses.

i'm glad i spent an evening out with winnie, it had been ages since i had a one-on-one talk with her. (: thank you,winnie!

Dear Wendy's 23rd (corrected!).

2010-01-16T22:40:00.003+08:00

my dear wendy turned 23 last week! due to everyone's busy and different timetable, we only manage to celebrate her birthday last weds.

and i can forsee that birthday celebrations would be even harder to be plan this year, since now a lot of us are in different classes and some are now working already. but i guess if we all intend to celebrate, we would somehow make it happen,right?

this year, we celebrated wendy's birthday at sakae sushi in klcc. since it's nearer to her workplace and it's convenient for everyone to go there.

for me, i rushed over there after work and start hunting for wendy's pressie. i know it's very extremely last minute to only get it on the day of celebration itself, but i had been really busy for the past few weeks plus i just started working...thank goodness this year wendy told me what she wants. (it has been a major headache in deciding what she would actually like! wendy, you know how hard is it to please u! heheee..)

i manage to bought the binder she wants, unfortunately...it's not the correct size! i'm so damn stupid. sorry wendy! :(

anyways, all of us -- mandy,yinshin,vanessa,ragini,fufu,jc,daniel,wendy and i meet up at about 730pm and we had a long, long dinner. but...we're quite separated cause the tables in sakae are quite small, so we were divided into 2 tables. i barely get to talk to wendy that night though, cause we were in a different table... :-(

anyways, i'm glad all of us manage to celebrate wendy's 23rd together!

wendy's birthday cake -- which she insisted on getting herself.

us singing her birthday song.

dear wendy and me. i know how much she hates taking photo, so i really appreciate this!

mandy and me.

after dinner, we went over to Summer-Quattro for a drink.

Wendy, once again..Happppy 23rd Birthday! (:

with lots of love, Jadei.

p/s: Dear Wendy, i'm so damn STUPID! i think my brain must be deteriorating man. i seriously thought it was 22 since the very beginning! w/o any doubt! sigh. sorry again wendy, just because my maths suck doesn't mean i care any less ya! (:

1st Day of Work.

2010-01-13T00:07:00.002+08:00

last night, the bunch of us celebrated Jack and Toro's birthday at Desa Park City, we had a simple dinner, but many of us were present. it has been a long time since we had a birthday celebration that consists about 14 people. we were there for quite long, mainly just talking. we left DCP about 12am. once i reached home, i showered. there's something that was nagging me in my mind....i haven't complete the task my boss gave me. i only manage to read it, but haven't summarise it and put it in powerpoint.

well, i really overestimate myself. after i showered, i thought i'll study a bit on Evidence 1st before start doing my task. but my eyes can't take much of it, so i only read about 30mins and i came downstairs to start with my task.

log into facebook and msn -- BAD move. started chatting with Jenn and SL, cause we need to discuss about our trip (after CLP) and once i'm in FB, i can just stay there for a looooong time, reason being? kepoh about other people.

well, i did try to multitask, i was reading on the powerpoint and on FB simultaneously. then about 3am, i was thinking, maybe i need a 20mins nap. so i lie on the sofa next to the computer, set my alarm and sleep. i must be really tired, i think i slept almost immediately once my head hits the pillow.

the next thing i know, my mom woke me up at 630am. crap.

i quickly rush to the bathroom, pack my stuff and head to the train station. reached office on time and continue with whatever i left off the night before.

thank goodness my boss didn't ask for my work today (we have a few days to complete a task, just that i come to know about it when i reached the office)

and today my boss gave me 2 more research work to do.

it was a long, long day today. but i'm really lucky, cause Jilly worked there for a couple of weeks already, so i won't feel so "lonely", she introduced me to everyone there and our daily stuff in the office. Thanks a lot, Jill! (:

and also Pang. he was my senior in ATC and he's a legal assistant there. he taught me how to do research in a quicker way and it really saves up a lot of time and lessen my reading. Thanks, Pang! (:

then, finished work at 545pm, rush to college for class at 630pm with Jilly and Foo Woei.

class ended at 945pm.

reached home around 1010pm.

had my dinner.

shower.

on the phone with some friends.

and came down to check my email, FB and to blog for a while.

then have to head back to my room to continue my reading on Evidence.

really hope that my energy level will not drained out by the end of this week. i just have to be optimistic, stay alert, stay focus and keep reminding myself that I DON'T WANT TO SIT FOR CLP TWICE!

good night! (:

2010-01-11T04:08:00.002+08:00

This week, had been a really busy week for me. Barely had enough sleep, only about 4 hours sleep a day for the entire week. I wished that I can somehow train myself to somehow get used to this kind of lifestlye, where a 4-5 hours sleep would suffice. I know it sounds very unhealthy, but this is probably the lifestyle I'll have in the near future, so i might as well start now, right?

Sigh. This morning, I was so,so,so reluctant to get up from my cosy,warm bed. But I still have to drag myself up to attend my Sunday class. Proud to say that until now, I never missed a Sunday morning class before, only once I came in late. But still, I attended. I enjoyed Ms.Mariette's class a lot. She taught us Evidence, and not only I learned more about Evidence in her class, but she taught us many general applications in law itself and also about life itself.

Now that we're in the mids of our CLP course, I am glad that I decided to continue pursuing it in ATC (it's not that I ever seriously consider Brickfields before). It's the lecturers here that motivates me to study and to read, despite the dull syllabus. They are extremely helpful and would never hesitate to answer any of my questions and when I needed clarification.
*
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I am looking forward to start my attachment coming Tuesday! After my interview last Friday, my boss gave me some "homework" to do, and I hope I can accomplish it to his satisfaction!

She's HOME!

2010-01-10T02:54:00.002+08:00

Finallllly...my dear sister is back from New Year! She had been away for about 2 1/2 months. I missed her so so much, and I am so glad that she's home! I felt very guilty cause I can't go to the airport with my family to welcome her home as I have class at that time. And we had so little time to catch up as I have class the entire day tomorrow and she have to rush back to Seremban after dinner tomorrow :-( And she'll be very busy once she's back in Seremban cause she needs to do loads of catching up since she missed almost 2 weeks of class.

Well, all I can say for now is that I'm glad that she's home safely. I am so proud of her!

The Start of 2010.

2010-01-08T22:43:00.002+08:00

I had been so,so busy for the past few weeks. Since Christmas holidays started, I was busy with my YE activities -- YE Camps, Farewell Dinner. And went back to my hometown, and of course celebrating the festive season with my friends!

2010 is definitely going to be a very busy year for me. Just the 1st week of 2010, I already lack sleep though class just started only 2 days ago. Not only busy with my studies, but also my extra curriculars. And starting next Tuesday, I'll start my full-time job as an intern whilst attending part time class. This is my first time being an intern in a law firm, and I really look forward to it. It will definitely be mind-opening and I can't wait to learn new things.

I know that it will be a real challenge to juggle between a full time work and studies, but I'll just have to manage my time properly, and probably will have lesser time to hang out with my friends :-(

Have to pray hard, so that everything will turn out fine for me !

Food, Laughter & Fun.

2010-01-04T02:45:00.004+08:00

A snapshot of our one-day Melaka trip. It's filled with food, laughter, fun and later tiredness. I had a great time despite going Melaka just about 3 weeks ago. I guess this shows that no matter where you are or where you went, it's the company that matters. (:

Love you all!

And It's the Christmas Season again. (:

2009-12-22T01:34:00.004+08:00

It's going to be Christmas soon, again! I can still remember what I did for Christmas last year, me and my babies went to Singapore and the Christmas decos there are gorgeous! So sad that i'll missed it this year :( money is really running tight for me. I remembered that we went to baby tian's house for Christmas eve celebration where we exchange gifts and had drinking session too. The Christmas gift I received is still well kept on my bed. It's a cute white doll dressed with a santa hat and a scarf!

Well, this year round...we didn't have the chance to go anywhere out of KL, but I guess it's not a bad thing. There are sales everywhere, and ofcourse every shopping mall has its own unique Christmas decos. I'm not very satisfied with this year's decos though, I felt that it's not very special (or is it because I getting more "cerewet"?) Nontheless, I can't deny that the Christmas atmosphere is definitely on the air!

Here are some snapshots of different malls' Christmas decos.

Baby Tian and myself in 1U.

With my college mates - Seet Long, Sarah Kate, Jilly, SueAnn and Tony in Pavilion.

Myself at Pavilion's main entrance.

My beloved babies - Li, Chyn,Tian,Nie -- at Pavilion's main entrance.

Since everyone is in a Christmas mood (well, perhaps the 4 of us - Rowena, Jilly, Zizi and me) we even had a pre-Christmas dinner at The Curve. Theme colour - Red, Dress Code - Santa Hat. The four of us look like SantaRinas! (:

We had dinner at Paddington House of Pancakes and we were sooo noisy, I bet everyone inside there can hear us! We took lots of pictures too, and thank God the staff there are willing to help us! (:

Zizi,me,Rowena, Jilly.

Christmas deco in The Curve.

I can't wait for Christmas! I'm blessed to have my lovely babies to celebrate this day with me.

I also thank God for giving us the greatest gift on earth on this blessed day.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" (John 3:16)

I would like to share with u guys my favourite Christmas carol :

Christmas Isn't Christmas, Till It Happens In Your Heart.

Christmas isn't Christmas
Till it happens, in your heart,

Somewhere deep inside you,

Is where Christmas really starts.

So give your heart to Jesus,

You'll discover when you do,

That it's Christmas,

Really Christmas, for you.

Jesus brings warmth like a winter fire,

A light like a candle's glow,

He's waiting now to come inside,

As He did so long ago.

Jesus brings gifts of truth and life,

And makes them bloom and grow

So welcome Him with a song of joy

And when He come you will know...that...

Christmas isn't Christmas,

Till it happens in your heart,

Somewhere deep inside you

Is where Christmas really starts.

So give your heart to Jesus,

You'll discover when you do,

That it's Christmas,

Reall Christmas, for you.

Irreconcilable Differences.

2009-12-21T15:45:00.003+08:00

As time goes by, I'm sure everyone will know more people, made friends with new people and their social circle would expand. It's a never ending cycle where we will always get to know more and more people. But getting to know that and actually being friends with them is of course a different story all together.

For the past few years, ofcourse I get to know more people, and I'm blessed that some of them turn out to be my true friends. But of course, there were some mistakes in the past as well, people whom I counted on as friends ended up, well...to be the opposite. Like I said before, it takes time to really know a person's true colour. If you're lucky, it would be revealed in 1-2 years time.

In an unfortunate situation...it may take, well 4-5 years.

The truth that we found out was distasteful. Very,very ugly. It's so unacceptable. I even felt disgusted.But because of our longstanding years of friendship, we tried to put this behind us. Really. We did tried. And for the past few months, despite knowing the truth, everything seems to be back to normal. Although there were times where there was a hint of sarcasm when we talked to her... but, I sincerely thought all of us manage to put this all behind us.

But...it didn't.

I'm not sure whether it's because of the fact that we found out the truth that drove all of us apart. Or that the truth kind of triggered us to realised how very different we all really were. The so-called bond that we used to have since our secondary school days seems to have just vanished in mere months. It's like we can no longer have a proper conversation together.

I truly wish that our group wouldn't split up anymore. The same scenario occured about 3 years ago, still leave a bitter taste in me. And I don't want the same to occur again. I tried mending things, I attempted an outing between all of us. But, it just didn't turn out well. In fact, it just proved that our differences are no longer reconcilable.

There are so many things about them that we can't accept anymore, and no doubt...there are some part of us that they find unworthy too.

We had tried avoiding this for months, but it seems that we can no longer avoid the inevitable. It's even more apparent now that I have to accept the fact, that our group is definitely getting smaller. I just don't want to have another confrontation.

I don't deny that I preferred the way we are now. It's just that I don't think I can handle it getting smaller anymore.

So please, my dear friends. Please let it stay the way it is now.

Highland Trip with the Girls.

2009-12-20T22:32:00.004+08:00

As mentioned in my previous post, I get to know some girls in my class better recently -- Jilly, Zizi and Sarah..and last Weds was our 1st trip together. Rowena was suppose to join us too..but she ffk us last minute. >.<

Well, it did not started off well cause the bus tickets were already sold out for the entire day! After discussing for a while, we decided to take the cab up and it costs us each RM45 -- 2 ways.

Then once we reached there, we purchased our outdoor theme park ticket which costs us another RM44 per person. Since it was sooo bloody pack that day, we only manage to get on 4 rides (which did not include the solero thingie and corkscrew!)

Well, the weather was sooo HOT that day! Although we're on the top of a mountain, but it's just too sunny and we barely felt cold at all! We also felt a little bit out of place when we stepped into the outdoor themepark, why? because we realised that we were surrounded by high schoolers and families. *sigh* can no longer deny the fact that we're getting older, it can only be compensated by the fact that we're all getting wiser as well.. (:

Despite such feelings, it won't stop us from acting really crazy there and toook lots of pics~

Zizi, myself and Sarah.

Us with the London Bus.

I like this! (:

I love taking candid shots!

Both these pics look perfect! Cause we took multiple shots of this! hehee

Pengada Zi

Sarah Kate.

We left Genting abour 4pm and head down to Sg Wang for dinner and some shopping. It was a greaat day! Looking forward for more outings with them!

2009-12-18T01:16:00.002+08:00

woosh. it has been quite some time since i last update my blog! this week had been a super BUSY week! well, there's lots of stuff to update.

For the past few weeks, I actually get to know some of my new CLP classmates better -- Jilly, Zizi and Sarah Kate.

Jilly -- Rowena's friend from Cardiff. She's very pretty and almost as noisy and loud as Rowena!

Zizi & Sarah -- The two hot girls, almost never without each other and they always "mengada"!

Since our college lets us off one week earlier for Christmas, we are sooo pump up to have day trips!

Yesterday Jilly, Zizi, Sarah and I went to Genting (Rowena didn't go cause she last min FFK!)

Then today Jilly, Rowena, Baby Jan and me went to Melaka for another day trip *woo hoooo*

There are lotsss of photos which I'll upload next time, cause I'm tooo tired now as I gotta get up early tomorrow as well.

I'm really glad to get to know some of my classmates better, they are all very fun to hang out with! (:

I Graduated!

2009-12-13T00:00:00.004+08:00

Finally, I'm now officially a law graduate! Well, actually I knew it since last August since our results were out then, but then...after going through the convocation ceremony then only it will seems more real, right?

Well, I know initially I'm not really in the mood for convo. I felt kind of dull about the whole thing. But, well..that feeling definitely change on convo day itself.

On the 8.12.09 was our convo day and we were all suppose to gather at the Plenery Hall (KLCC Convention Centre) at 930am for rehearsal. The main purpose was just arrange all of us, to make sure we know where we stand etc. I ended up beside Vanessa. The girl that I always sit together with in class since A-Lvl.

After that, we can collect our robes and go home. For me, after collecting my robe, I went to Shu Umera counter in Isetan for a makeover. Well, since I'm not an expert in putting on make up, I better leave it to the expert, and of course it costs me RM as well. It's not that expensive, RM70, it's quite acceptable and I like the make up she did for me.

Rushed home after that to freshen up and of course take pics with my family.

That's me. Fully robed. With my graduation flowers. I love the flowers a lot, cause it has purple colour on it and it's HUGE!

Me, gorgor,mommy and daddy. *missing jie*

Daddy then drove all of us to KLCC. I'm suppose to reach there by 430pm fully robe. And everything happened in a rush! Rush here, rush there..to take pics, make sure our robes are not lopsided and our mortar board is not too lose etc.etc.

Vanessa and I after collecting our scrolls.

SuSean,HuiWen.

Bro Lim and Jian.

Fufu (:

Dear Justin and Me. I'm sooooo touched that he was there that night. (:

After the ceremony, all of us need to head to the Banquet Hall to take our class photo. It takes us forever to line up and to wait. And finally....we took our class photo where we wave our mortar board in the air! (supposedly we have to throw it into the air, BUT...the photographer just asked us to waved it! )

Then after that we took lots of individual pictures too. There are just toooo many pics and I'm a bit lazy to upload it all here (but it's all on my FB) Then most of the girls then rush to the ladies to change into our dinner wear.

Mr Reuben with the girls. I love this pic!

Ms Meera. She's the one that made it possible for me to achieve an A for my Company Law. Thank you, Ms Meera! (:

LiHong - My IP "sifu"

My dear aunt, uncle and cousins came as well.

Throughout the 3 years of my LL.B course, I learnt A LOT. I understand more about law, its applicability, how to argue it out. The more I learned, the more certain I know that being a lawyer is what I want for future. Not only that, many lecturers had become a real source of inspiration.

Looking back at what I had done for the past 3 years, I'm quite proud to say that I have no regrets. I manage to enjoy myself thoroughly without compromising my education. I always believe in studying hard and partying hard. The more I party, the more I study because I knew that some of my peers may be using the time studying whilst I'm out there getting tipsy.

Of course, knowing how to draw the line is very extremely important. There were times I felt that I crossed the border, but thank God it didn't affect my result. I knew that once my result is affected, I can no longer turn back the time.

Even more crucial is that for the past three years, God's presence had became more apparent to me too. He constantly guide me through everything and I thank the Lord for blessing me with great results. I know that the Lord love each and everyone of us so much, and that He will answer our prayers, if we ask Him without doubt.

But of course, I know we can't just simply ask without any effort in our part.

I am proud of what I had achieved today, but I know that I still have a long way to go.

My next aim? Is to complete my CLP in ONE SITTING! If possible, to get another 2:1 in CLP.

And after that? It's either LL.M or start my pupillage.

So my subsequent aim in future (for the short run) is to complete my LL.M and to be called to the Bar in the next 2-3 years.

I still have sooo soooo much to accomplish. Knowing that fact, yet I'm still here blogging instead of studying my Civil Procedure!

Well, that's all for now. Convo-fever is over. It's time to really BUCK UP and STUDY! wish me luck! *crossed fingers*

Crapping at 4.15am.

2009-12-12T04:14:00.002+08:00

it's now 4.15am. i'm so so tired! why am i still awake then? Thanks to MrKJ's weekly test. although it's just a test, but i'll feel guilty if i dont even try to revise. so here am i, at 4 something in the freaking morning.

i'm sooo glad that our college is letting us off one week earlier! *woooots* this is the 1st time for the last 4 years we actually had 3 weeks break! previously is only about 1 week + only for holidays like Raya/Chinese New Yr/Deepavali. we were sooo pump up to have a trip somewhere, but the problem is we can't seem to be able to decide where to go!

well, i just want to go SOMEWHERE! everyone seems to be going everywhere! Wendy is now in Taiwan, Vanessa is going off to Bali next Monday, my sister is still in New York (i miss her so badly!), Jan going to Singapore to meet her bf , LiHong going to Bangkok and SueAnne going to Japan again soon. Seems like i'm the only one that's stuck in old KL. :(

well, i'm currently trying to fill up my Christmas holidays!
can't wait to go high tea with my babies! this would be the 1st time we go high tea together (since winnie is complaining that our only activity is clubbing...) and shopping and taking lotsssss of pics!

aiks. enough crapping already...gotta go back to my sentencing notes. :(

Convo?

2009-12-08T01:38:00.002+08:00

tomorrow is my Convocation day. somehow, i still have not feel any excitement about it yet, despite people around me had been buzzing with excitement. last sunday when i was in the ladies (as usual, the best gossiping spot in college) they were discussing about their heels. because for the last few years, without fail there would be a few people that would slipped/fall whilst walking on the stage to collect their scroll, and most of them were girls. (i myself witnessed it) and the worst one was when this girl fall towards those V.I.Ps sitting in front. good thing it was on one of our lecturers instead of the judges. so the girls in the ladies were discussing about bringing their heels for the rehearsal to try.....and it goes on and on and something about dresses as well.

sigh. maybe it is because 2 of my close friends are not coming for Convo. so just me and Vanessa. and the fact that this whole Convo cost me and my dad lots of money. (well, mostly my dad lah)

yea, i know it's a one in a lifetime event, so i should really, really enjoy that moment.

maybe i will when i'm actually there itself. hhmmm.

The Taste of Losing.

2009-12-03T23:37:00.003+08:00

i have to admit that i'm the type of person that can accept losing easily. maybe throughout these years, i didn't really face situation where i truly felt that i'm totally losing out. for the past 5 years, i'm quite socially active. i hang out often with my friends. i had a permanent part time job which can support my occasional yamcha sessions, clubs, birthday celebrations and pubs. i did fairly well for my education, in fact...i'm proud to say that i had finally finished my degree programme. :) it was part of my "kiasu-ness" and the fact that i need to "keep face" that kind of motivated me to study harder as well. (of course i love what i'm studying as well lah..)

but lately, my self-confidence had kind of shattered. i realised that, maybe i'm not as good as i always i thought. i finally had a real taste of losing, and it's not sweet at all. i keep asking myself, what is lacking in me? wasn't i good enough? i did a lot of self-reflection, and there is only one possible conclusion, i'm just now good enough. nothing complicated.

although i felt slightly bitter, but i'm going to take it as a lesson to learn. there are many parts of me that needs improvement.

there's still so, so, so much for me to learn.

and today, we had our 1st lectures on ethics. in a way, it inspires me to go into litigation even more. and it really changes my initial perception towards practitioners. it just shows how naive i was. and, really..it's a non-stop learning process. i'm already now looking forward to the day to be called! :)

Thank You, Mr Vignesh.

2009-11-29T20:03:00.004+08:00

Well, today is another typical Sunday for me, where my class would end about 5pm. At about a quarter before 5, i started fidgeting around, my eyes keep glancing my watch..kind of started on packing up my pens etc etc. Finally, sharp 5pm, MrR lets us off. I rush to the washroom and back to class, took my bag.

Then, YinShin told me something.Something very shocking, Mr Vignesh passed away today. I was feeling sad and memories of him came rushing back into my mind. Emotions overwhelmed me.

Mr Vignesh was my tutor for Criminal Law back in my 1st year, and occasionally he would substitute for Contract Law as well. Even though he only taught me for a year, but he can still remembers me and my batch mates. We would always greet each other whenever we bump into each other in college.

Mr Vignesh is one of the most patient lecturer I ever had. Never once I see him getting angry or even raised his voice to students.

I didn't even have the chance to properly thank him for what I manage to achieve today. I took things for granted, that I would always see him around. There is no doubt that Mr Vignesh played a role, not only in my education..but all other ATC students as well.

I'm very sorry to hear this news. I wanted to attend his funeral, but was told that he was already buried.

Mr Vignesh, thank you for everything. Everything that you had taught ue. Now that you're with the Lord...may you rest in peace. You will always be remembered.

So, What Now?

2009-11-28T01:47:00.002+08:00

A lot had happened to me on Thurs. As I mentioned, Thurs is going to be a very gan jeong day. But no matter how much I prepare myself for that day, it will never be enough. :(

I'm now left in a state of dilemma. I really do not know what I should or shouldn't do. I do not know which path should I take, which is the better one. I don't want to make any mistake at this stage, as I might regret it for the rest of my life.

I can't blame anyone for not telling me this before, I myself was aware of it, just that I am not aware the level of seriousness of it, until last Thurs. sigh.

I have lots of serious thinking and weighing to do.

I prayed hard to God, asking Him...what should I do? Which should I chose?

Every steps I'm taking now, every words I'm saying now seems to be affecting my life greatly. Much more than I had ever anticipated.

Gan Jeong Thurs!

2009-11-25T23:32:00.002+08:00

tomorrow is my BIG interview! really damn gan jeong! seriously no idea what it would be like, since i never officially go for any job interviews before (my tuition one doesn't count!) sigh. really hope i'll do well in that interview and be awarded the scolarship and pupillage. *gan jeong*** pray hard i won't stutter the way i did during my IELTS speaking test. *shivers*

speaking of IELTS, another reason why tomorrow would be damn gan jeong is because my IELTS result would be released tomorrow! supposedly we can get access to our result online at 9am sharp, unfortunately that would clash with my interview, and since i need to rush to class after that, i need to collect it by hand after my interview.

so...lot's of things would happen tomorrow. wish me LUCK!

*praying hard*

Shoe Split Open.

2009-11-23T23:44:00.002+08:00

last friday, a few of us were informed by MrDaniel to attend a meeting in one of KL's most reputable law firm on monday (today). the purpose of the meeting is the firm wants to meet some of us and to introduce their firm's operation. well, we were told to wear formally, and me being me, honestly..i dont own any working attire at all! this was due to the fact that i never work in an office or anywhere similar. yea, it's like so pathetic right?

sigh, since weekend is usually filled with classes, i can only shop for the attire on sunday after class, so i was with my mom in 1u, trying to get something presentable. we ended up in G2000 and i manage to get a knee-length skirt which cost us RM179. i felt really guilty using so much money on just a skirt, considering the fact that i vowed to myself to save more. :(

whereas for the top, i decided not to buy a new one, i'll just borrow from my sister. (hehee! thank goodness she din bring all of them to NY!)

so today, i leave house way ahead of time, so that i won't be late and plus the fact i never been there before. i met up with jacquelyn at the LRT station and we actually kind of lost our way. finally we manage to get the direction there, i suddenly felt that my shoes became damn lose. then i look down.

OMG! MY SHOE SPLIT OPEN!

i was like..omg omg omg! what now? i look around me...seeing whether there is any cobbler or shoe shop. then keep checking my watch, ok..we still have 30 mins... cool down cool down... i asked one of the security there, whether there's any cobbler there, and he said just across the road *THANK GOD* and jac accompany me there, and yea..there's the cobbler!

sigh. the cobbler told me that it will take about 15 mins, whilst we were waiting, we bump into Mr Lim and LiHong, and they were heading towards the mamak beside the cobbler, so we joined them.

after 15 mins, i went back to the cobbler, inside me..i know that the cobbler will charge me slightly more higher than the usual rate..it's pretty obvious that i'm desperate. he charged me RM9. well, a little bit lesser than what i expected...i thought it will cost me rm10. so not that bad larh.... at least i dont need to limp around the firm with my spoilt shoe.

when it's almost time, all of us went up to the firm and the meeting begins. we learnt more about the operation of the firm, exactly what areas of expertise they had. and being such a big firm, it has various departments there, and i know it's a great place to be trained.

well, our interview will be on thursday morning. and i'll be sending my shoes to the cobbler tomorrow cause i realised that the left side one looks kind of faulty too. and i'll make sure that it won't split open on thursday!

Random.

2009-11-23T02:03:00.002+08:00

Just a random posts about my babes. *hearts*

Baby Teng.

Baby Li.

Baby Jan

Baby Nie.

Just want to thank you guys for staying by my side, our numerous yamcha/bitching sessions, and for such a great friends! (:

Time is Running.

2009-11-22T02:01:00.002+08:00

another week has passed by. time really passed so-damn FAST! well, as usual every Saturday evening, MrKJ will give us test on CPC. and since today we sat quite behind, so i can actually flip out our notes to refer the answers. and really, the questions he gave is not very difficult, the problem is that i CAN'T remember those cases/principles because it's just way TOO MUCH!

well, usually he'll stand in front of the class and do his own reading and give us about 15 mins to complete the test, but God knows why this time he keep walking round and round the class. well, and obviously he noticed that most of us actually referred to the notes.

and finally after collecting our answer sheets, he started "lecturing" us about why we shouldn't refer to the notes. i know he's expressing his disappointment in us and keep emphasising the fact that we shouldn't slack, for the next 7-8 months.

i was actually a bit shaken up after his "speech". he told us that in about 5 weeks time he'll be finishing the syllabus! GOODNESS, the entire Criminal Procedure! and, i can't remember a shit! i haven't even really read the notes/textbook. i know saying that "i have no time" is not a valid excuse. sigh. i really,really got to BUCK UP!

Unlucky Bitch.

2009-11-19T19:25:00.003+08:00

today is such an UNLUCKY DAY!

well, as usual i've class on thurs, from 10am-3pm. Since i slept late last night (as usual >.<) but this time was because i need to rush my Statement of Claim for MsMunita's class. sigh. so damn shit, i "act smart" don't want to refer to MrJoseph's SOC sample, just draft one by myself by only referring to MsMunita's sample which was based on other question. Ended up, i forgot to put in the 2nd Dedendant's name and i didn't plead for the cost of care! so damn shit!!! my client will end up suing me back.... :(

anyways, i was feeling so damn sleepy during class, when it was about 2pm, i'm longing to faster go home and SLEEP! thank goodness MsMunita didn't extend the time, class ended at 3pm sharp. so i quickly pack my stuff and head towards my car.

as usual practice, before unlocking my car doors, i'll make sure that it's all locked 1st. this time, i unlock the passenger seat(mine need to lock/unlock manually cause the alarm spoilt long time ago), then i open the door. suddenly the alarm rang. i was shocked, because i it has been years since i actually heard that car alarm rang! i even doubted whether it was my car or not. but since it was really loud and other cars seem, erm..not theirs larh, so i knew it was mine. i panicked. thinking, how on earth the alarm was actually triggered.

i called my mom 1st, since it's her car, and...well, she don't know how it happens too. so she called my dad. whilst all that happened, the alarm stopped, so i tried opening the door again, and the alarm went on again! sigh. it must be going on for quite sometime till the parking staff came over to checked. he get another man (which i think is more pro in this type of alarm/car thingie) and i explained to him that it's IMPOSSIBLE for the alarm to trigger cause i DON'T even have the car remote key thing! then my dad called, he was trying to explain to me how to off the car alarm and where the lock is, ofcourse, being totally illiterate about cars/engines...i open up the boot instead of the bonnet. (i know i'm totally stupid!) anyways, the parking staff asked me to pass the phone to him, and he manage to find the lock. UNFORTUNATELY, i dont have that "small key" to switch off the alarm. so my dad has to go all the way back home to get the key. sigh.

so i head back to college to wait for my dad, several friends told me that it might be the battery's problem, that it might reached its lifespan already, so i definitely can't drive it back. i was shocked. OMG. then how?! sigh. worrying and worrying.

finally i dad arrived. and he manage to turn off the alarm and i asked him about the battery thing. thank goodness it's still OK.

sigh. unlucky day for me. but good thing my dad's able to rush over to help me! thanks daddy!

Banana Leaf Rice at Bangsar

2009-11-18T23:21:00.004+08:00

FINALLY, after being a Malaysian for 21 years, this is my 1st time having banana leaf! well, those nasi lemak on banana leaf doesn't count! well, it was actually Wendy's idea to had banana leaf, and there's this famous place for banana leaf at Bangsar called Sri Nirwana Maju located along Jalan Telawi 3 (Opposite Bangsar Village 2).

That place was really, really packed. we had to wait for about 10 mins before we manage to get a seat. Ragini told us that once we are done eating, we have to leave that place...it's not really allowed to sit down and chit chat after the meal.

Anyways, i was quite excited, considering this is my 1st time. i'm like total blur case! ok, 1st the staff will lay out the banana leaf.

well, the banana leaf given is much thicker than our usual nasi lemak ones, but ofcourse u can't poke it too hard if not ur gravy will spill!

next, the staff will scoop out the side dishes consisting of kangkung, cucumbers and fried bitter gourd. (this is the 1st time i actually enjoyed eating bitter gourd..it's really crispy!)

then they will scoop the rice. it's up to u whether u want normal rice or indian rice (it has lesser carbs!) and it's up to u how big u want the proportion to be. and later the gravy will be given, can chose - fish curry, chicken curry, "dal"

extra side dishes - pickles, dried chili, fried chicken, rendang chicken, fish etc will be given upon request. ohya..and pappadam too! it's the thing in the middle inside the basket. Wendy loves those!

and the gooood thing about having banana leaf is that its price is very, very reasonable. it's a filling lunch and the total cost is RM 29 (3 pax) !

after our heavy lunch, we shop around in Bangsar (well, only Wendy shops whilst me and Ragini just browse through the various dresses/tops/heels/pants) There are tons of shops there and i can never remember which shop is located at which Jalan Telawi. T___T

ohya! and when we were about to head to PurpleDotz (very near Starbucks) i saw DJ GOLDFISH!!!!!! i was stunned for a moment! he must really like starbucks, cos seen him at different Starbucks few times already...

Ragini and i whilst waiting for Wendy who's in the fitting room.

IELTS.

2009-11-16T23:47:00.002+08:00

fuhh...finally, last saturday i sat for my IELTS. well, the exam starts at about 9, so we were required to register around 8-8.45am. i reached the exam place (Corus Hotel) so damn early...around 7am! my dad scared it might be jam, hence the early arrival. i stoned at the hotel lobby for around an hour, then finally the registration table is open. there were about 200+ ppl there.

once i registered, deposited my belongings to the person in charge, i went into the examination hall. once im seated, i look at the stationary given. it's a PENCIL and an eraser. initially i thought the pencil is used for us to shade our answers on the answer sheet, so i think..hmm, maybe later only they will distribute the pen for the writing test. and the pencil supplied is not those 2B pen, it's those type of pencil we used in primary school, where there's like a few bullets and the lead is damn short, once it's blunt...u pluck it out and then put it in from the back of the pencil..?? well, i seriously hate that pencil cause i can't write too hard! and.......... i have to use the same bloody pencil for the writing test as well!!! ~#$%$^&*&((*@#

sigh.

and, i dont think i did very good for my listening. i missed like 2-3 questions! sigh. i didnt even know i missed it until the answer for the subsequent question was mentioned....im so damn stupid!

that module ended at about 12pm, so i had roughly 2 hours before my speaking test, so i went to klcc to get something to eat and stone there for a while, then i head to British Council for my speaking test.

my speaking test was HORRIBLE! i can understand my examiner's accent (though i can't identify which accent that is), but my mind went BLANK! seriously, she asked me to described my house, and i said "it's a semi-linked-terrace house..and it's double storey" wth?! semi linked????? sigh. sigh. should have bullshit and said something easy like an aparment. basically the topics that were asked weren't that hard, but that...just at that moment, i'm so damn nervous, i just can't think straight! :(

sigh, whatever is done, is already done. anyways, i'll know my result next Thursday..... *gan jiong*